this post was submitted on 07 Oct 2024
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I know it's not about me, but this definitelt cleared up why i run from people in my free time.
They always express how they think i do things, like i'm at work or something. While i do things for joy, i take a detour home on my roadbike because the speed i can propel myself at brings me joy and a bit of a thrill too. The scenery is also very enjoyable.
But then another roadcyclist shows up and tells me how i'm doing it all wrong, how speed isn't a good measurement of performance.
Fuck yo performance brother, stop. It ruins my fun.
I'm having similar thoughts lately. As if after one trauma (12 years ago, or a bit more, one girl told me to "go to my mom" and a few more things) I stopped taking full responsibility for my own existence and started relying on external criteria, like performance, for example. And taking that responsibility again feels as if reality is real again.
Oof, that sounds like it'll be an intense climb back in to reality!
Yes, it's also a simplification - not a sudden realization and there were setbacks before. As always