Sombyr

joined 10 months ago
[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I think you're a little confused about what it is they were asking. They weren't asking if wanting to not have sex was a fetish thing, they were asking if seeking out partners specifically who have never had sex is a fetish thing.
It's not the same thing as wanting to date an asexual, because not all asexuals are virgins (often due to experimentation and discovering "yup, I don't like this.") The reason so many people want to date virgins specifically is because they have this weird idea that taking somebody's virginity is a sacred thing. Or sometimes it's just due to insecurity, not wanting to have other past partners to be compared to.
Wanting to date a virgin isn't wanting to date somebody and not have sex with them, it's wanting to date somebody who's never had sex before. Whether they will have sex or not during the course of that relationship is technically irrelevant, but most people seeking out virgins specifically unfortunately are expecting it.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 4 points 7 months ago

I don't think they were commenting on how many people can sleep late, I think it was a comment on what time people would naturally sleep to barring all other factors but genetics.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I agree about BMI often being a bad measurement. Even my own doctors ignore it on me because my BMI is well into the obese range and yet every other measurement of health is in the healthy range, most well into it. My body fat for instance is just below 30%, which is perfectly healthy for a woman. My waist line is well into healthy range as well. Additionally, all my tests such as blood tests come back more than healthy and show that I'm not at risk for any obesity related conditions. Of course, I don't look like the standard "healthy" body most people imagine a woman should have. I would look fat to anyone who doesn't know the full picture.
That's why I always hated that whole thing people say that "If you're BMI is high and you're still healthy it'll be really obvious." People just assume that high BMI and healthy means muscular, when you can have a normal body fat percentage as well as other measurements but still have a high BMI.
This is even ignoring the fact that even when you are genuinely obese and unhealthy, it often stems from body image issues in the first place. The same way a depressed person often goes "I'm doing everything wrong anyway so why bother even trying?" A fat person often is having the struggle of "I'm ugly anyway so why even bother trying to be pretty and healthy? Healthy just means I gotta live longer being ugly." That's why berating people for being fat usually doesn't work. It just makes them feel worse and reinforces that idea they already have that they're too ugly to bother. Sure, some people it might kick into gear to try their best to lose weight to prove they're not ugly, but that's the difference between somebody who still has hope and somebody that's already lost it all.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 5 points 8 months ago

It's true. I get my password wrong all the time.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Because body shaming circle-chan is funny.
Edit: I knew this joke wouldn't land before I even hit enter, but now I must own it.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I wasn't getting that vibe at all. Feeling sad because your wife is angry isn't "wife bad." It's empathy. The meme just seems to be a joke about using unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with it causing a cycle of misery.
In other words, my interpretation of the meme is more along the lines of acknowledging the self destructive cycles marriages often fall into via humor.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 4 points 9 months ago

Also, if they're repeatedly getting up on areas you don't want them to, it probably means they don't have enough perches they are allowed up on in the area. Cat's naturally like to perch to observe their territory. If they're getting up on the kitchen table for instance, put perches or even a whole cat tree near it. Eventually they'll learn to use the new perch instead of the table, sometimes even naturally if the perch is higher and more comfortable.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You are correct that in most environments, it is the other way around. In most places, women wanting tall men is considered normal and acceptable, but men having any preference at all is not. My point was not about how things are in society as a whole, but how things are on the larger Lemmy instances. However, even that seems to have rapidly changed since I made this comment. There was a thread about men's issues I saw recently that didn't devolve into "this is why women are awful" and actually stayed on topic, and that was really nice to see.

What I was frustrated about was that there was no space where both men's and women's preferences were respected, and also not resorting to body shaming when people do not meet those preferences. Lemmy is primarily dominated by men, which naturally makes it easier to talk about men's issues without being shamed for it, but it did lead, for a while, to women's issues not only being overlooked, but also often being intentionally ignored or outright shamed, mostly because men could not understand these issues they'd never experienced, so they didn't feel as real (which is largely the same reason women often have trouble respecting men's issues.)

I'm guessing it has to do with Lemmy's population finally growing again and new perspectives being thrown into the mix, but I've noticed a lot more empathy about gendered issues lately, which is nice to see.

As far as whether you risk your account for only wanting cis women, probably depends heavily on the instance. A shocking amount of the time people use preference as a cover for bigotry, so I wouldn't be surprised if some mods are heavy on the trigger finger when it comes to that. Not that there's not legit reasons to not want to date trans women. We can't provide biological children and a large portion of us have no desire to "fully" transition, which are both reasonable reasons to not want to be with a trans woman (and of course that's not an exhaustive list of every valid reason.) It's just often people who say that mean they don't view trans women as actual women and don't want to date them because they're "not gay."

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 51 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Kerbal landing technique? Like smashing into the surface max speed because you somehow managed to decouple your only engine due to poor preplanning? At least that's how I play it.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 1 points 10 months ago

I'd thought I could hear a difference in hires audio, but after reading up on it I'm starting to think it may have been some issue with the tech I was using, whether it be my headphones or something else, that made compressed audio sound veeeery slightly staticky when high notes or loud parts of the track played.
Personally though, even if it wasn't, the price for the equipment wasn't worth it for a difference that was only perceptible if I was listening for it. Not to mention it's near impossible to find hires tracks from most bands. Most claiming to be hires are just converted low res tracks and thus have no actual difference in sound quality, the only difference being the file is way larger for no good reason.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip 1 points 10 months ago

Your point of view is completely valid, and I do like having alternative points of view presented to me (hence why I said I didn't want to turtle up in a more accepting instance.) In the end, I'm not an expert on thus kind of stuff, I can only argue based on my personal experience and how things have made me feel.

I think regulation is a completely valid way to approach it, considering it's still a step forward regardless of if it's the best way or not, so I far from oppose the idea. It's just not the way I would do it if I were in charge.

Honestly, in the end, I think true equality is impossible, and is more of the ideal than the end goal. The only important part to me is to make sure we're always going forward instead of backward.

[–] Sombyr@lemmy.zip -1 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I agree with you for the most part, but in practice it's way more difficult to regulate out discrimination if you don't first have enough women (or other minorities in other cases) working in the field to function as a support network. Even if you get the job at that point, if you're not made to feel welcome there there's a solid chance you're not gonna keep that job, because nobody wants to deal with that every day.

I don't like the idea of restricting men from the same opportunity, but there isn't much other solution until the playing field is made more even.

As far as your last paragraph goes, pretty much in full agreement. When I say men and women need safe spaces away from each other, I don't mean they should be secluded from each other, which is what places like that tend to cause. I mean things like support groups, friends they can vent to, and even online forums and such specifically for them. There still needs to be plenty of exposure in our daily lives though to the issues of men, women, and minorities.

My issues with Lemmy primarily come from the fact that the site is massively male dominated, which means it's become largely an echo chamber. People here as a result have become much more sensitive to men's issues, which is a good thing, but the tradeoff is that there's virtually nobody stepping in for women's issues, sometimes even going as far as to deny the issue even exists. I know the rest of the internet is often the other way around, but I really wish we could have at least one space somewhere on the internet where both men and women are allowed to say things like "this makes me uncomfortable" or "this makes me feel ashamed of my body" and be taken seriously.

I was really hoping Lemmy would be that space when I first signed up, and it was really disappointing to realize what it was actually like. Luckily, there are some instances out there that are more balanced on that, but I'd rather not have to turtle up in one of them.

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