Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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The term you're looking for is load balancing. DNS load balancing will work fine for your purposes. Use a DNS host that supports health checks to the endpoints, and you're all set. If one goes down, DNS will not be returned when querying the record for the downed host.
I don't think this is it. The router doesn't know anything about DNS, it only knows "this port goes to this IP address". It seems like I either need multiple devices sharing an IP address or router software that inherently supports load balancing.
You just described a load balancer. The router doesn't know about DNS but clients using your service use DNS. You can do some simple load balancing behind DNS. If you want to do it by IP address you want a load balancer though.
If your current router doesn't support static DNS entries or advanced management of them, you could run a DNS service, or just get a router that runs OpenWRT. GL.Inet makes solid devices for relatively cheap.