this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2025
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[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 43 points 3 months ago (28 children)

So many comments echoing "women told us to stop approaching us, so we did!"

I mean no offense, truly, but you missed the point if that's the message you took. It wasn't "Do not, under any circumstances, speak to a woman" it was, "if you shoot your shot and she's not interested, move on and don't make it weird. If she is at work, be very careful as customer service does not equal flirting." Yes, there are some grey areas (not sure even the best gentleman could slide up to a woman alone in a parking lot and not freak her out), but some of you are kicking up the board without even moving a piece. Stop pushing the narrative that only attractive men can speak to women. Not only are you assuming you're not attractive by saying that (which cannot be good for your confidence) , you're reducing women's feelings and concerns as being blindly shallow and unwarranted.

The world is not full of only beautiful people, yet people still live and love. Not to dismiss the difficulties (as an uggo myself, I get it), but you can get out there, I know you can.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 42 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (16 children)

It wasn't "Do not, under any circumstances, speak to a woman"

Actually, as explained to me by a woman, it was exactly that.

This was well after I had married, somewhere in my fifth decade, so I was off that particular playing field for quite some time by that point. But on a lark I had asked a feminist what this “leave women alone” refrain meant. And some of it made perfect sense: don’t hit up cashiers or anyone doing their jobs, they’re just being nice and friendly because they are being paid to be polite.

But it also meant don’t approach women when they’re shopping for groceries, as they’re probably tired from work and just want to go home. Don’t approach women on public transportation, as they’re just trying to get home and don’t want to be accosted in a cramped public venue. Don’t approach women when they’re out with friends, because they are with friends and don’t want to be cleaved off like how a predator isolates a member of a herd.

This went on and on, to some pretty ridiculous lengths. Whereupon I asked, “how is any man supposed to do an unsolicited approach to chat up a woman?”, to which she said - and no, not kidding at all - “They shouldn’t. Any man who we’re interested in will understand when we’re interested in them.”

Like… telepathy.

Literal
f**king
telepathy.

Sure as shit, this is what a woman said to me.

Most men get absolutely zero life experience in decoding super-subtle hints, and now they’re supposed to miraculously become an expert in navigating a potentially life-destroying minefield, where the only two outcomes is magically getting it right, or risking a non-trivial probability of incarceration and a criminal record when they (invariably) get it wrong?

No wonder so many men are saying “thanks, but no thanks.” That the juice - the outcome - is just no longer worth the squeeze - all the effort and risk that is shouldered. I don’t blame them in the least. They’re the smart ones.

And those who are slightly less smart are at least asking the $10,000 question: why aren’t women making the first approach? I mean, isn’t that what this whole “equality of the sexes” shtick was all about? Why don’t women put their money where their mouths are, and ask MEN out, for a change? Because I can guarantee that while any normal woman will experience a certain level of rejection, it will still be several orders of magnitude less than what a similarly-normal man experiences.

[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 0 points 3 months ago (7 children)

I would honestly say your friend misunderstood the message as well if that was her takeaway.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I would honestly say your friend misunderstood the message as well if that was her takeaway.

Unlikely - she was and still is a professor teaching women’s studies at the local university. Published, too. She’s hardly a nobody.

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 15 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I had a physics professor tell me about free energy. Having a degree is not 100% effective in curing stupid.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

I had a physics professor tell me about free energy. Having a degree is not 100% effective in curing stupid.

There are physicists that don’t believe in anthropogenic climate change, and that is to be expected because that subject isn’t in their wheelhouse; it isn’t their bread-and-butter, and that isn’t their day job that they work on for 2,000+hrs a year for decades on end. So they are lacking a lot of the data that would allow them to make correct decisions regarding factuality.

But when most of an academic field is saying the exact same thing about a core subject that is at the foundation of their discipline, imma not gonna be arrogant enough to presume that they’re wrong. I’m going to take them exactly at their word.

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Out of curiosity, have some sources for "most of the academic field"? It sounds like some sociology/psychology thing.

Besides, my guy had a PhD in physics. Either it was an elaborate prank, or a complete nutcase. And I've met more than one of that kind, sadly. Degrees are not a guarantee for intelligence or sanity, just a proof that at some point they wrote a thesis.

[–] zibwel@feddit.org 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Free energy is literally a thing in thermodynamics though?

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 months ago

No, I mean the quack bullshit about creating energy from nothing. And not just some theoretical framework, as in technically, this could yield a net positive somehow, no. My guy was convinced he could build it himself from tinfoil and strings, if "the establishment" didn't oppress him (meaning his coworkers and bosses told him it's stupid).

Fucking wild. Imagine it being that easy, and everybody in the world is either too dumb to come to the same conclusion or in the pocket of Big Oil. Not even, like, a North Korean mad scientist trying to one-up the capitalist pigs? Yeah, sure.

[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

That's actually even worse 😬

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