Memes

I did.

I was big growing up because my guardian literally kept me in my room, threw McDonald's at me and called me a fat bitch. I was allowed to go to school, and go to my room from age 12-16. When he was arrested i lost 60 pounds, gained it back though. Then when i was 21 i lost 80 pounds in 11 months, i worked hard, rode my bike to work.

Then, I got pregnant at 25. Gained for that- but lost it all fast with nursing and maintained healthy weight until the pandemic. I liked hiking, and riding my bike to work, and ate whole foods, i had, had fast food a whole 3 times since i was 21. .. until i was 32. My male coworkers ate bk for lunch every day, they were thin, our work was hard (i lifted and packed approx 2000-3000 pounds of material we made a shift), so i started getting Bk too. And i got fat.

The pandemic hit and my now husband got the unemployment, so he ordered restaurant food nearly 5x a week. I left my job to support my kid. I peaked my weight again.

Now, at 37 years old, with a special needs child, no walkability in my neighborhood, and no car (we have one car and he works a lot) to drive to the trails.. my son at seven, stopped liking hiking anyway, i find myself stuck in my house. (The last time i took him he literally just layed down in the beginning of the trail and refused to move, its kind of funny now). This also was when hubs was ordering hella food, id get a salad or whatever but fries are just, a god. Anyway

I live a pretty isolated life. I signed up $40/month for a gym with a pool and was swimming last year, but when i only have a one hour window (with the car) to go a day, and the pool schedule being what it was, i stopped going. Excuse? Sure, but i always found it easist to lose weight and exercise when it was baked into my life, and not like, going to the gym, i dont want people to see the fat girl run, even when i was 21 i would run my neighborhood at night so people couldnt see me. But i liked the pool, i just cant get there without a car, which i dont have. My bike is broken, i sont onow how to fix it, and cant afford to, and like i said, you come out my little neighborhood, its immediately highway. I walked with ny son up there one day to try and go somewhere, and someone took a right on red, when we had the crosswalk, and nearly hit us. All you could hear was cars, and smell exhaust- truly aweful pedestrian experience.

Im back on whole foods, but its not really what i eat now, its seditary lifestyle. "So get out there!" One might say, i have highways on two sides of me, and an airport on the other, and a swamp on the otherside. My favorite local grocer is .6 miles from me measured directly through the swamp to the strip mall, you have to take a highway to get there. It's so frustrating, i would walk. I really would. I struggle to work out on my own, my husband is tall and thin, and hates working out, so im on my own. Thats the hard part. Im keep eating my veggies and whole foods and continue to work on it, since i turned 32 my goal is to get fit again by 40.

My husband got a sword and i was messing around with it, and realized my arms have gotten weak, so just this week i started doing push ups. Or even just trying to hold myself up in that planking position. I work on my binge eating disorder with my therapist because, being alone in the house, with no friends to invite me anywhere, just readig the Internet some mornings, is enough to say, "I don't care I'm making nachos for breakfast, it doesnt make dishes, i dont feel like cleaning the god damn cutting board and doing dishes. I do em all by hand, and when you cook from scratch, dishes are.. plentiful.

Anyway, i know its the best thing. I remember when i could run without getting winded, the energy i had, I refuse elevators and take the stairs at my therapist office, and i get mad im winded when i reach the top. Got tree work to do this week, idk. It's not that im lazy, my binge really is just fucking nachos, and about six months ago, i decided, even if im binge nachos, i make a portion half what i used to, and double the jalapenos.

Youre preaching to the choir on this.