this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works
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Anon studies Buddhism (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 2 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[โ€“] markovs_gun@lemmy.world 180 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (23 children)

Bible stories are the same way, we've just heard them a million times so they don't seem weird

"Hey Jesus what toppings do you want for pizza?"

"Plain with cheese"

Later the disciples are eating pizza with Jesus

""Hey Jesus why did you say you like cheese pizza when you normally order pepperoni?"

"You dumb fucks how dare you not understand my hidden meaning, I am the true pizza and you are the pepperoni, the grease is my blood"

"Oh of course, sorry boss"

[โ€“] tetris11@feddit.uk 53 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

"Jesus... when you say 'get me off this fucking cross, so help me God'... is that a test? Or should we actually get you off the cross?"

( More ranting and screaming and moaning )

The disciples nod wisely at their leader's self-sacrifice for... their sins maybe? And he will always be immortal in their hearts, because they've already eaten him or something.

The disciples go home, wiser and holier and warily eyeing each other in confirmation of the deeper meaning behind their saviour's last words: "Guys, please, I'm not fucking around, get me down, please, I'm so fucking thirsty.... Jesus fucking christ"

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