this post was submitted on 13 Sep 2025
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IMO anon’s statement about body count was badly phrased, but it makes sense for me under limited circumstances.
For the last few decades, my opinion has held firm on a simple philosophy:
If I never ask out a woman I’m interested in, and they date guy after guy, then I have nothing to complain about. They never knew about my interest, and so they were never given the chance to accept or reject my interest. There is no way in hell that I could hold their body count against them, and I have only myself to blame for not stepping up and asking them out when I had the chance.
But if I do ask a woman out, and they clearly and immediately reject me in favour of someone else, then I am obviously not an interest for them. They have clearly and unambiguously rejected me, so what standing do I have to not believe that? You can’t get a more sure sign. If they then rack up other relationships, each and every one of those is another nail in the coffin of any potential relationship. They have made an explicit statement that I am of far less desirability than other options, and that door closes permanently, and gets barred and locked for good measure.
Because if she comes sniffing around again, then it is screamingly obvious that I am not her second-best, third-best, or even n^th best option… I am her backup-backup-backup plan that she is “settling for” because all of her better options ran out.
And at that point… thanks but no thanks. That’s a path down which I have absolutely no desire to trod, because down that path lies doubt and second-guessing that can only poison me, my mental health, and my happiness. If she had no interest in me when I asked, then I will absolutely trust her for having told me the complete truth, and I will hold that truth as unchanging, unimpeachable gospel.
It's understandable why you would feel that way.
People change all the time though.
Perhaps after some of those relationships, they found personality/stability to be more important than looks.
Or maybe they've spent years regretting the decision, and the short relationships along the way failed because nobody could compare to you.
Or maybe they genuinely are as shallow as you think, and you're the last resort in the dating pool.
You can never really know for sure.
…And? So what?
Actually, let me rephrase that: So fucking what??
Any decision made comes with consequences. The decision to close the metaphorical door to preserve self-respect and mental health comes with consequences. And conversely, passing someone over because you think you can do better also comes with consequences when you discover to have been unable to actually do better.
My problem is the prevailing societal sentiment that only women have the right to say “no”. That only women have the right to close and bolt the relationship door. That men have a duty to accept a woman’s attentions no matter what, and especially if she had rejected him previously. And that he becomes a social pariah, open to mockery and vicious reputational attacks if he says no or keeps that metaphorical door closed himself.
Sorry, that’s not how “equality” works in any way, shape, or form. That’s anti-male gender bigotry, plain and simple. There is just no other way to spin it.
Men reject women all the time, with no societal repercussions.
You have the right to not give someone a second chance, nobody is taking that away from you. I'm just saying the world isn't always as shallow as your comments portray it to be.
Rejecting someone doesn't mean you have decided you can do better, or that you aren't attracted to them. It means at that exact moment in time you weren't prepared to enter that relationship.
If you get mocked for rejecting a woman, you're either still in school, or need to get some better friends. Because no sane, rational people would ever think less of you for who you do/don't date.
Tell me you have never been next to an in-group of women when one of them have been turned down, without saying you have absolutely no clue about inter-female dynamics and discussions.
Like, holy flaming ignorance, Batman. Do you walk through life completely blind? Or have you never just observed women, especially when they don’t know (or don’t care) that another man is within earshot?
Yes, not all women, but holy hell certainly a fair majority of them.
The only possible conclusion I can draw: you have never rejected a woman, nor seen a woman be rejected and - more importantly - witnessed the aftermath once the woman has returned to her in-group.
In my several decades of being an adult I’ve seen plenty of vicious whisper campaigns that targeted not only the man, but also any other woman he was even mildly friendly towards.
And it’s directly proportional to how high a social status the man has. So maybe you’ve not personally experienced it because you have an extremely low social status? Like, double-wide-trailer low? IDK, I’m just trying to understand how you’re missing trivially-observable real-world evidence.
Well yeah, if you turn down a woman, she's going to tell her friends about it.
And those friends probably won't be interested in starting a relationship with you any time soon.
Those secret whisper campaigns sound straight out of a teenage movie, and not at all how mature people behave. I'd say you dodged a bullet in that case.
Your anecdotal experience is not representative of everyone else's though, and neither is mine.
I don't appreciate you resorting to personal attacks to convey your beliefs, so this will be my last reply.
I have not seen the evidence you've seen. Maybe your social circle is particularly fucked up? Maybe mine is luckily less judgmental? ... What you described is common for college and early twenties, in my experience, and less so after that.
I’ve seen women in their 30s and 40s engage in it.
It’s not restricted to higher ed or younger ages in the least.
I’m now in my fifth decade, and no longer care to be around that kind of drama anymore, so over the last decade and a bit I have taken pains to distance myself from those social circles that engage in it.
Is it really that bad?