this post was submitted on 01 Jun 2024
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Because direct rejection hurts. An ignored hint only disappoints.
Bullshit.
It's a social - stupid - standing that states romantic/social/sexual advances must be started by the male part, which automatically relegates the female part to a passive/subdued part.
If you want someone, be bold. Doesn't matter how you define yourself either.
I don't really care if you are shy and can't speak or any coping mechanism you may have built to justify your awkwardess. Just try.
Write a note. Have a mutual friend act as a liaison to help the first step. Write a letter. Blurt out the most incoherent speech you can muster. Then say it all again, only ten times slower. Send smoke signals. Use a parrot or a crow. But try.
It hurts a lot more to punish yourself for not trying, later in your life. Failure and rejection are part of it. Get used to it. Learn from it.
I didn't ask for advice, just answered a question. And despite you thinking it's bullshit, it's probably the reason, people are not straight-forward.
And I was countering your reply.
So you try, you get turned down. Does it hurt? Yes. Is it the end of the world? If anyone replies with "yes" that is a serious issue because it is not.
Getting a "no" for an answer is almost guaranteed. What is there to lose? Perhaps the lost "yes" for not trying.
You're missing the point. You're trying to solve an emotional problem with logic. Your logic is sound enough but won't help anyone emotionally hurt.
You're right on the mark there: I missed the point, a good number of times, which sent me into a downward spiral.
It took a good amount of time and help to aknowledge I was responsible for 90% of my suffering.
Good on you ! I was never able to overcome this. I was lucky to meet my wife who is just as awkward, otherwise it's safe to say I wouldn't have had the courage to ask anybody out until much later in life. I remember a high school classmate telling me more or less verbatim what you said above : "ask, if she says no, so what?" unfortunately that never helped. Some of us were simply too shy, too far removed from social norms, or perhaps too autistic to act on that. Human interactions are a mystery to some of us. In fact, what he said made things worse for me, because it made me realize just how developmentally late I was, and seeing how easy it was for some people to get over the initial apprehension furthered my feelings of isolation.
Well done