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this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024
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BUT! What if the parking lot is four miles long and there are no cart returns anywhere and you're tired because you've been working 20 hour days with no time off and it's 140 degrees outside and the grocery store is exploiting their workers and you haven't eaten in days and you have a disability and the carts are coin operated and this is literally the only way to solve the unemployment crisis? WHAT THEN??
You hold onto both handles, pivot in the direction of cart return four miles away, and then you run at full blast for 6 seconds, releasing at your apex speed and finally stand there with your hand shielding you from the setting sun as that little cart trundles off towards freedom, inevitably to be picked up by another good samaritan two miles away who will repeat the process, as is custom. If fireworks should bloom and the sunset is a nice shade of red white and blue, then a tear may drip slowly down your cheek as you remember that you're in the greatest country in the world and that you wouldn't have it any other way.