this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] billwashere@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

If I had a gun in each hand, a bandolier full of knives, and a satchel full of grenades, I might be able to take down a gorilla. But likely not before he kills me first.

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[–] LuxSpark@lemmy.cafe 36 points 3 days ago (2 children)
[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 28 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Can we also get Musk v Zuck as the opening?

[–] darkdemize@sh.itjust.works 24 points 3 days ago

I'd rather see Musk and Zuck and Anon vs. the Gorilla.

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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 34 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure 800 lbs of angry silverback would beat whatever krav maga bullshit, but whatever tough guy. Let me just grab a snack before you convince that normally peaceful ape to tear your fucking arm off.

[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 22 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Yeah, we weighs less than an average female gorilla. A preteen probably outweighs him. Newton has a few things to say about what will happen.

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[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 6 points 2 days ago
[–] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 11 points 2 days ago

Is thisnJoe Rogan

[–] selkiesidhe@lemm.ee 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Just turned to my husband to ask are there really men out there who think they can really fight a goddamn gorilla??? Is it a joke? Have they SEEN a gorilla??? A chimp gonna kick your ass and they're smaller than an adult man wtf!

Id personally be more scared of the chimp. The gorilla is mostly a peaceful animal.

[–] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Anon is going to get hole punched through him

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[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 10 points 2 days ago

Gorilla proceeds to pull his arms and legs off his body, and slap him a bit with his own arms before returning to breakfast.

[–] scathliath@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 2 days ago

Google how much force do I have to give to the dome of a gorilla in punching to give him a debilitating concussion?

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago

6 ft 1 1/2 for 189 lbs.

I’m 6’2” and weigh 255lbs. My “ideal” weight tops out at 220.

Muscle weighs more than fat.

OP is a twig, and would get broken like one in an instant. No way he’d even land one punch on a gorilla.

[–] Zacryon@feddit.org 4 points 2 days ago

It's good to set realistic goals to motivate your workout.

[–] idriss@lemm.ee 17 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Humans aren't physically violent enough to survive a much smaller creature (30-50kg), let alone fighting something just as violent but 10 times bigger.

I would really pay to watch that fight.

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[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 15 points 3 days ago

Anon was a fighter.

[–] Asswardbackaddict@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I wanna be a gorilla field researcher. They're cool. I saw a video where a wildlife photographer was following a gorilla too close, and you're like, "that animal is fuck this guy up", right? Nah. The gorilla punches him in the face and keeps walking.

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