Greentext

You can't go home again. -Thomas Wolfe

😭😭😭

In the words of NK Jemisen:

"Home is what you take with you, not what you leave behind."

It definitely happens. Not sure where the turning point is but I'm in my 30s and both my folks are in their 70s; somewhere along the way our interactions shifted slightly where I lean on them less and they lean on me more.

I forget that not every family thrives on each other's pain and suffering like mine does.

This reminds me so much of John Greens writing, check him out if you like some melancholic writing.

The last couple of times visiting my grand parents house around the time they were in a nursing home and after they passed away was surreal. The house was rotting as they did. Everything is like I remember, but there's some mold in things, rotten wooden stairs that broke when I walked in them. The thing that just really upset me was after they passed my uncle moved in and smoked inside so everything smelled like smoke. It was disgusting. I don't know how he could choose to ruin his childhood home like that. Maybe he's totally noseblind to it. The shitty thing was that it also technically wasn't his house at the time. They've all sorted it out now but he just sort of moved in without really getting permission from his siblings.

The most pernicious self-deception is that things are as they appear to be. The second is that they should be.