this post was submitted on 23 Jan 2024
994 points (96.6% liked)
Memes
45868 readers
1323 users here now
Rules:
- Be civil and nice.
- Try not to excessively repost, as a rule of thumb, wait at least 2 months to do it if you have to.
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
So ive put a lot of thot into this, and after going through what I did with my ex wife, I think it wouldn't be a problem so long as
A. I know about it.
B. I get access to it and all paid content
C. No one else appears in it. This covers the whole "well that was an old video I uploaded" scenario too.
D. The relationship is otherwise secure.
E. But the real problem would be someone with an onlyfans wanting to date me.
C and E sound indicative of some insecurities.
Ah yes, be 100% ok with sharing your partner, or you're insecure.
Right. Some people handle this well, others are not open to it. Willingness to adhere to monogamy is a thing that varies from person to person and must be discussed in any relationship. Ethical nonmonogamy is a thing, but it's not for everyone, and it is a lot of communication and intimate work.
I find the notion of ENM peculiar. Just the name starting with ethical gives it an 'exception to the rule' feel, that the default is unethical.
It's like the terms open or swingers (which is a slightly separate thing I get, but in the same space) didn't exist before or are no longer acceptable.
I think ethical nonmonogamy casts a wider net. I wouldn't call myself a swinger. I don't do parties or anything like that. But I'm still not monogamous and it's still not cheating since my partner and I have an existing arrangement and regular check-ins.
I guess I'm more getting at the term itself than the concept. People for a while have sometimes said 'we have an open relationship' which to my mind is functionally the same thing. The other nearest option would be non-partnered in which case a title isn't needed anyhow.
The part that seems weird to me is by specifically labeling it as ethical, it implies that the standard non-monogomy is unethical which seems like a strange stance to tie a lifestyle to if usable terms exist.
Just the philosophical musings of a fairly vanilla middle age dude navigating the modern social world though. 🙂