this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2025
224 points (99.1% liked)
Not The Onion
18215 readers
1102 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
How big of a pussy do you have to be to get your ass kicked by a small rodent?! If that fucker clamped on my thigh, I'd twist it's head off or, more likely, grab the tail and slam it into a tree or street until it was fucking dead. Fuck's sake, if nothing else, just grab it and squeeze.
Anyway, always astonishes me how disconnected we've become from nature.
Everybody thinks they have a plan to fight a squirrel until it's time to fight a squirrel.
They are incredibly bitey. Remember that they chew through walnut shells with ease. Lots of people have underestimated a squirrel and gotten bit right down to the bone for their trouble. I'm not saying anybody couldn't stomp a squirrel flat, but you're going to lose some blood in the process.
Don't fuck with squirrels
Check out videos on youtube. They're fucking crazy little fucks
I've got an American pit bull terrier and she thinks she's a bad ass but I bet if a squirrel attacks me or her she folds up like a lawn chair. She'll probably run home with her tail between her legs while I get mauled by the little fat fuck
Pick up a rat and see how it goes. Make sure to film it.
There's "pick up a rat" and there's "crush a rat in your hand." Most of the time people are actively trying not to injure animals when we handle them, even if they're being aggressive. Instinctively we don't try to grab because hand injuries are likely and possibly debilitating, but if you can ignore that you should have no problem dealing with anything smaller than a dog. (And should then swiftly seek medical care)
I'd imagine you could kill a squirrel just clapping really hard, but you'd make a mess all over the place. Squirrels just don't seem to trigger a danger response.