this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2025
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I've never seen an episode of house, but based on secondhand accounts, this is how I imagine an episode going:
House: hello, it's me, Dr house. I bet all of you that I can identify some crazy disease.
Unimportant Dr 1: You always do that
House: you are stupid and you should feel bad.
[Patient enters]
Patient: Doctor, I got bit by my dog.
House: You are stupid and should feel bad.
Unimportant Dr 1: House! You can say that to a patient!
House: Of course I can, it's true. [Starts spitting out slurs]
Unimportant Dr 2: I'm so sorry about Dr house, let me dress that wound.
House: No! The patient can't be treated!
Dr 2: why??
House: I'll never tell. ๐
[Patient faints]
House(to Dr 2): How could you be so stupid!?
[House grabs nearby syringes and begins injecting the patient]
[Patient wakes up]
House(to Dr 2): If you weren't so stupid, you would've gone to the patients house, kidnapped their dog and beheaded it. You see, this dog has a penchant for eating people with AIDS. So when the dog went to bite the patient, the patient got AIDS.
Patient: I have AIDS?
House: You are stupid and disgusting and you should feel bad.
Dr 1: I guess I owe you, House!
House: Give me the hospital's supply of morphine. I am a drug addict.
[Omnes exeunt]
If you had just put Vicodin instead of Morphine it would have been 100% accurate. Although he does take Morphine a couple times as well, so maybe that's just splitting hairs.
The thing about Housebis all the medical cases are real. None of the rest of it is real, that's drama, but the basis of the medical cases are all actual things that genuinely happened. Some of the details may have been changed for the purposes of the story but none of them are impossible medical situations.