this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2026
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Can you guys suggest some reliable and secure selfhosted IM service? I'm kinda in a very bad spot right now, so any centralized messaging wouldn't really work. And yeah, state sponsored mass surveillance is a question of concern. Sorry for odd phrasing, just really at a loss.

I heard of matrix, XMPP (heard good things about snikket.org), SimpleX and even some IRC wizardry over TOR. And I actually tried matrix (synapse server), but found it not reliable enough - sometimes skips a notification, periodic troubles with logging in, weird lack of voice calls on mobile client, and some other irritating, tiny hiccups. I'm open to any suggestion, really, even open to trying matrix once again. Just, please, describe why you think one option is better than the other.

And just FYI, use case is simply texting with friends and family, while avoiding state monitoring. Nothing nefarious

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[–] stratself@lemdro.id 7 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

For Matrix consider Continuwuity instead of Synapse if you want something easier to maintain. You'll also want to set up Element Call (i.e. the "new" calling stack) for wider client support.

Notifications can be unreliable but it depends on your push provider (e.g. don't use the default ntfy.sh instance, use another one or selfhost yours). Do let me know of any other nits though.

For XMPP, notifications is most reliable as it maintains an in-band connection to the server. A/V is a bit more lacking, as mobile clients can only do 1:1 calls, and it misses some smaller features compared to matrix. But it's very lightweight and should be more than capable for use with family and friends.

[–] jivandabeast@lemmy.browntown.dev 2 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Wait this vs tuwunel? I switched to tuwunel because i thought that was the official successor

[–] stratself@lemdro.id 7 points 8 hours ago

It's claimed to be official. But I went with https://continuwuity.org/ since it seemed to have a more active community. Plus ever since then, the core maintainer of Tuwunel has been making threats against Continuwuity including personal attacks, and seems to be quite unpleasant to deal with in general. There's also been a thread about it here. So I honestly lost all taste to reconsider.