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For Matrix consider Continuwuity instead of Synapse if you want something easier to maintain. You'll also want to set up Element Call (i.e. the "new" calling stack) for wider client support.
Notifications can be unreliable but it depends on your push provider (e.g. don't use the default ntfy.sh instance, use another one or selfhost yours). Do let me know of any other nits though.
For XMPP, notifications is most reliable as it maintains an in-band connection to the server. A/V is a bit more lacking, as mobile clients can only do 1:1 calls, and it misses some smaller features compared to matrix. But it's very lightweight and should be more than capable for use with family and friends.
Wait this vs tuwunel? I switched to tuwunel because i thought that was the official successor
It's claimed to be official. But I went with https://continuwuity.org/ since it seemed to have a more active community. Plus ever since then, the core maintainer of Tuwunel has been making threats against Continuwuity including personal attacks, and seems to be quite unpleasant to deal with in general. There's also been a thread about it here. So I honestly lost all taste to reconsider.