Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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I tried Tailscale once, but it introduced some massive latency because apparently I got connected to my machine through a gateway in Frankfurt. It was the Tailscale Funnel service though, so maybe that's not what I needed.
Also, are any of the services you listed end-to-end encrypted?
Tailscale is but since you already tried them, maybe headscale that's supposed to be the self hosted version of Tailscale that someone wrote, so you have better odds at less latency! https://headscale.net/
Zerotier? Not sure -https://www.zerotier.com/ can speak more to this.