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this post was submitted on 21 Feb 2024
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You know, I saw a guy the other day with an honest to goodness eyepatch. First time I’ve ever seen one in the wild.
Guy looked like older Snake from Metal Gear Solid, but clearly wasn’t cosplaying or anything like that. I assume most people with one eye just get a fake one here. If only to avoid all the pirate jokes that he probably gets.
Oh man, story time!
I like to stab people competitively. One of the risks you run is that they stab you back.
About 20 years ago now I was sparring with a pal of mine. We were using shinai - a Japanese sparring sword made of four slats of bamboo lashed together with leather. My pal drew back for a pull thrust and I deflected it with a move where I stepped back and lifted my blade to direct the thrust above my head.
... Only I forgot to step back. Instead of redirecting the thrust harmlessly above myself, I brought the tip of his shinai directly into my right eye. (Stupidly, I wasn't wearing any protective gear.) The inch-wide tip smashed my eye down and collided with the back of my eye socket.
I hit the ground, blind, weeping blood and in the most pain I've ever experienced.
Fortunately, I kept the eye.... but I was seeing triple due to the swelling in my socket. So I bought an eye patch and wore it until I healed.
During my convalescence I happened to have a really shitty day. It was a cold winter day and I was running late to work. My car ran out of gas a mile short. I had to run the last mile in the cold and wet, already late and getting more frustrated every moment.
By the time I reached the parking lot for my shitty retail job, I was in a foul mood.
... Now at this point in my life I wore a frankly excessive amount of black leather. Black leather boots. Black leather jacket. Black leather gloves. My pants were black too, but they were at least denim.
So imagine if you will - a six foot tall man, wearing all black leather and an eyepatch, stalking angrily across the parking lot with a baleful expression.
People were getting the fuck outta my way. Gazes averted, people turned their heads and just dipped.
... Until The Boy. A pale haired kid of about five or six was being towed out of my path by his mushroom- haired mother - but he was rooted to the spot. Staring at me with unabashed excitement, he slipped free of his mother's grasp and shouted, "Look Mom! A Pirate!"
I started guffawing, bad mood instantly gone. Mushroom-Mom grabbed her kid and started dragging him away. I called after them "It's okay!" But with a mumbled "No, it's not", she dragged the boy into their car and fled.
... And I went to work, Pirate King of the K-Mart.
I absolutely love that story!
A tall angry dude dressed all in black leather with an eyepatch definitely would give me Snake Plissken vibes; either that or someone from an anime :D
Ha ha - thank you! I love that story too.
Welp, here goes my confidence in wearing an eye patch. And yeah, I don't have one eye and for the longest time think that it'd be cool to wear one.
My dude - eye patches are cool. I only had to wear one for a few weeks, story in my other comment, but for real an eyepatch is an awesome opportunity.
Get - or make - yourself a nice eye patch. Own it. Don't settle for plain black or tan. Get it embroidered. Bedazzle it. Get yourself patches in different colors and patterns.
An eyepatch is always gonna be noticed, so don't try for subtle. Lean into it instead and make it fucking awesome.
My wife is an embroiderer, so I actually like the idea, thanks!
Please do wear one if you want to! That guy made my day; he looked like a badass.
It’s such a rare thing to see, you’ll probably get a few jokes. But also some really fun interactions I imagine. If nothing else, you’ll give some kids a fun story to tell about that pirate they met :D
Wear one, but occasionally switch eyes, see if anyone notices
Now that would be a real challenge!