this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2024
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Asexual ≠ Not Liking Sex
Asexual = Not Feeling Sexual Attraction
The way I usually describe it as an asexual guy is that there's basically noone I find hot. That doesn't mean they're the opposite. It just like a sense I lack or a color I can't see. I just don't feel sexual attraction. But I do still like people based on other types of attraction and sex is still fun. For me platonic attraction is the main criteria for sexual partners. It's just a fun activity between close friends like watching a movie or playing a board game.
That's not to say that there aren't asexual people who don't like sex because those people do exist, but how much a person likes sex is on the sex repulsion to sex favorable axis and is only tangentally related to asexuality.
What's the difference between that and being demisexual? I identify as demi, but now I'm wondering if I misunderstood something, because I relate to what you said.
I actually just saw this (app being screwy). To answer your question I also identify as demi. It's just that demi is a microlabel under the ace umbrella and allos usually don't know what demisexuality is so unless I'm in a specifically ace community I just identify as ace to keep things simple. Demi is also basically just "ace until proven otherwise" so the difference in nonexistent for anyone I'm not already in a relationship with.
There's also the fact that I'm still not sure if I really feel sexual attraction in the demi way or if I just crave intimacy with someone I am otherwise attracted to and sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with someone. I'm strongly leaning towards the latter but it's a tricky distinction to make. I can want to have sex with someone but for me that desire doesn't feel much different from wanting to cuddle with them nonsexually. So when it comes to my actual behavior I fit the demi label better but when it comes to how I think then I actually fit the asexual label better.
That's a great explanation, thank you!