Selfhosted
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A very welcome compliment after this ordeal. Thank you! :)
The cleanest way to solve the scaling issue would probably be to go into the pdf2pic module and hack it open to accept the "pcl:fit-to-page" option that GraphicsMagick (the underlying software package doing the actual conversion from PDF to PCL) supports. (Supposing it actually does what it says. I'm not so sure about anything in printer land anymore.)
But since this whole thing is for internal documents only and the scaling can probably be estimated by choosing better values for width/height to account for printer margins I most likely won't bother.
Thanks again for suggesting Node-RED. I'm very happy with the result.