I've heard of people who have complained about trans people showing up in their dating feed, mixed in with the cis population, being labelled as "transphobes" and harassed, but good to know that we've overcome that.

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 28 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Isn't the idea of the dating feed that you can choose whom to date and whom to ignore?

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

The point of a feed is to literally show what you want. If someone wants to fake their age, gender, or wealth for a chance of sliding into someone else's DMs, just to get caught and retaliate by projecting it back on them as the bad person, then that person is a literal psychopath and I hope it doesn't escalate.

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The point of a feed is to literally show what you want.

So the algorithm behind the feed is to blame when you get bad suggestions. Btw: showing only perfect matches makes people spend less time on the app and therefore they mix in bad suggestions deliberately. Blame the profit motive.

If someone wants to fake their age, gender, or wealth for a chance of sliding into someone else's DMs, just to get caught and retaliate by projecting it back on them as the bad person, then that person is a literal psychopath and I hope it doesn't escalate.

While this is true, I don't see the relevance.

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world -5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Because when someone has not selected a category for their feed, but that category appears in it, it means those mismatches are appearing because of intentional deception, hoping it works. That's deviant behaviour. And when someone blows a whistle, they should not be the one punished for it.

How is that not relevant to the situation in that original comment? We just making exceptions now?

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The original comment was about trans people in the feed, not about people lying about their age or gender or what ever.

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world -2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

No, it was primarily about non-cis in cis. This whole post isn't about trans people. Whether that be or whatever, it only occurs because of a) mistake or b) devious action. The point of that comment was raising how those that call it out are ridiculed instead.

As I said, this applies to anything; age, gender, backstory, images, etc. You specifically focusing on trans people makes no difference in whether it is less wrong. That is just the theme of the same behaviour, pick whatever theme you want, that is not the point and it shouldn't be glossed over, "Oh, it's fine for this group but not others."

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I still don't get it. Are there dating apps exclusively for cis people? Do non-cis people write into their bio that they are cis? Is this a thing that people explicitly say they are cis while they are not?
Or is the problem that cis normative people assume, the other is cis for no reason other than it's the supposed default?

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

Exactly.

One of my friends asserted that they went into a shop in Paris and the staff were speaking in English but switched to French when they saw English tourists walk in, just to be rude to them. They felt harassed because some French people were speaking French in France and wouldn't believe me when I suggested that they were probably speaking in French before they walked in. They were adamant that they were speaking English at first. Strangely they couldn't recall anything that the staff had said in English or even the topic of conversation. English is so dominant in their life, even when abroad, that it takes them a while to adjust to the reality that someone else isn't like them and they take it personally.

This is like that. Someone goes on a dating app, didn't realise a girl was trans, didn't spot it in their bio, then got nasty with them. When they got called out for their nastiness, they did the turn-the-tables projection thing, and after harassing a trans person, claimed to have been harassed, and then went online to complain about how bad the harassment is from the trans community.

[–] ekky@sopuli.xyz -4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Partly. A feed is typically a set of rules showing you only your interests and filtering out everything else, and within this subset you then go about choosing.

Ideally we would not only have "women\men\bi" categories, but also "orthodox (cis only)\regular(mixed)\frisky(trans only)" categories. Otherwise, we might run into the problems which Saltesc describes, now that being trans is becoming more commonplace.

There needs to be space for everybody (or "everybody whom I don't mind" depending on who you ask, sad lol), but while choices always have some consequences, we need to be careful that our freedom of choice doesn't become another's choice of freedom. I think trans people are (sadly) very well acquainted with this.

[–] apotheotic@beehaw.org 8 points 4 months ago

Calling the trans-only category "frisky" is certainly a choice. Let's keep it to "all/non-cis/non-trans" and we can avoid cisnormative language altogether.

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