I run ejabberd for myself and my family/friend and use conversations on android. Mattermost I would say is the most like discord. I run one of those as well and love it.
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I think ejabberd or another other xmpp server would have been my first choice for a service like this by a long shot. If only we had some good iOS clients to go to. While I'm on android, most of the family and some of the friends use iOS, so it was kind of a non-starter from that alone.
Edit: log -> long
Yeah unfortunately iOS is very stingy with battery. Thankfully there's a few apps that use apples push and ejabberd supports it. I haven't tested them in a while tho since I'm on android.
Mattermost is great and I'm pretty sure they have an iOS app. I don't believe the messages are encrypted on MM, but if you're running the infra it's not too big of a deal IMHO.
Mumble in combination with XMPP is the most hassle free and low resource option. Just for small personal use snikket.org XMPP is probably the best.
Matrix Synapse also works, but if you join any large rooms it will blow up ram and storage space usage, thus I can't really recommend it.
Matrix has one caveat: it synchronizes every room (group chat) from another instance to your instance fully- which one user subscribed to on your instance. Because of this the instance-systems/servers are under heavy load for private userage (not controllable number of users and chats). Many governmental institutions (controllable number of users and chats) use though, because in case of "disasters/incidents" the data is not lost but saved all over all replicas.