this post was submitted on 07 Jul 2024
255 points (79.3% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[โ€“] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 161 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What a horrible day to be literate.

[โ€“] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What a horrible time to be hungry. ๐Ÿคฎ

[โ€“] festnt@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

so, staying in the subject of horribleness, have you ever realised the throwing up emoji looks like someone sucking shrek's cock?

im so soory

[โ€“] IDew@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

So recently I stumbled across a post saying that the vomiting emoji (๐Ÿคฎ) looks like it was giving head to Shrek. I had to start furiously jerking off while looking at vomiting emoji on Google images due to my overwhelming ogre fetish. The way the emoji is sucking Shrek's massive cock makes me horny as fuck. I continued beating my meat to this one image for twelve minutes straight until I finally came, then I realized what I had masturbated to.

I literally cannot unsee it so every time I saw the vomiting emoji I was forced to think about Shrek blowjob. One time while I was at work, but then I saw a ๐Ÿคฎ emoji, I instantly started jerking off because of how hot this image really is. People were shocked at first but when I told them it's ogre blowjob they all started masturbating together. Eventually I got fired for causing all this mess.

This could all be prevented if the vomiting emoji didn't look like someone giving head to Shrek. Please make it look less erotic so this doesn't happen again.

[โ€“] Sabata11792@ani.social 4 points 1 year ago

I can't unsee the Shreked emoji.

[โ€“] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Might be time for you to put the Internet away and go outside for an afternoon. ๐Ÿคฃ

[โ€“] festnt@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago

yeah please give me the keys to the door, i've been here too long

[โ€“] mwproductions@lemmy.world 96 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If he eats himself completely, this will eventually resolve itself.

[โ€“] magnetosphere@fedia.io 54 points 1 year ago

Iโ€™ve seen a lot of gross shit from Anon over the years, but this is among the worst.

[โ€“] olutukko@lemmy.world 42 points 1 year ago

I hate thid. I hat you OP. I fucking hate you. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't need to hear this. I was doing just fine. now I feel bad. fuck you.

and goodbye

[โ€“] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 36 points 1 year ago

Dermatophagia - โ€œone type of body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB)โ€

[โ€“] paysrenttobirds@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sometime needs to be watching him all the time. This is why they invented God.

[โ€“] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 17 points 1 year ago

Forgive me father, for I have munched.

[โ€“] oce@jlai.lu 31 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[โ€“] yyyesss@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i understood that reference

[โ€“] bitfucker@programming.dev 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

...not sure if my curiosity is worth the terrible day that I'll have after knowing what may come.next

[โ€“] yyyesss@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

you'll feel better if you don't

[โ€“] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 29 points 1 year ago
[โ€“] Squirrel@thelemmy.club 22 points 1 year ago

Doing weirdly disgusting things spur of the moment is one thing. But deliberately waiting to do it, having given yourself a bit to realize how gross it is? That's not right.

[โ€“] aggelalex@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

write about it on 4chan

[โ€“] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

My brother once got a huge scab on his knee and the top of it opened up and formed a pocket, so we put a penny in it lol

[โ€“] normalexit@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

Bro, gross. Go to the bathroom and eat it there like a normal person.

[โ€“] Creosm@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Bet he was itching for the moment to eat it too

I hoped someone would get that.

[โ€“] Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 1 year ago
[โ€“] csolisr@hub.azkware.net 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

@Early_To_Risa People will feel queasy eating their own scabs but will mindlessly devour an entire string of morcilla, SMH my head

[โ€“] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

Instead of making it into a sausage, they should pour the blood onto a sheet pan and dehydrate it so they can eat the scabs like jerky. ๐Ÿ˜‹

[โ€“] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 year ago

Well, how was it? Was it worth the wait?

[โ€“] nikaaa@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

As a kid i used to have a scab eating compulsion, but it was like instant. If any amount of time passed at all it was immediately gross and i would immediately flick it away.

[โ€“] nikaaa@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

What is it with the urge to eat these things, I wonder...