this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] AnarchoEngineer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 143 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Fake: two lawn chairs? In this economy?

Gay: went back to a guy’s apartment where there’s literally nothing else to do (besides each other)

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 72 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

What an asket. Wonder what his bank account looks like - is he paying off some kind of debt, or does he have ten thousand dollars saved? Maybe goes to a casino or a prostitute every couple of weeks? So many possibilities.

[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 32 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

Could easilly just be paying for porn, smoking, and drinking.

EDIT: I forgot the gambling. I remember seeing somewhere that the average impoverished American(or family?) spends $600 a month on lotto tickets. Hopefully that was just part of a nightmare I had.

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Doesn't really sound like he's doing much drinking, if we assume that he (or OOP) isn't just lying. If he spent it all in bars he probably wouldn't say that he just jerks off to porn and goes to sleep when he's not working, and if he was drinking at home it would definitely be visible in such an empty apartment.

Porn and smoking ... I guess it's possible to spend that much money on that.

All things are possible for those who think a cot and two lawn-chairs are plenty after six years ... I guess he could also send every spare-penny away to family, but the dudes who do that usually don't live by themselves.

[–] happydoors@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Sounds like rural, small town factory to me. Guy may just be barely making by

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 8 points 1 week ago

Weird, that kind of thing should let you live a pretty decent life where I live. We don't have the US' absurd health care system, though.

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[–] olafurp@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

I respect a bro powerleveling his finances.

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[–] stressballs@lemmy.zip 61 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Lies. Dudes like that don't own a second chair.

[–] Apeman42@lemmy.world 47 points 1 week ago

One of the chairs doubles as a table for the chicken sandwiches.

[–] Honytawk@feddit.nl 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Has got to have a spot to put up your feet

[–] antimidas@sopuli.xyz 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Or put the laptop/cellphone you watch the porn on

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 46 points 1 week ago

A true modern-day Diogenes

[–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 33 points 1 week ago

And then they fucked

[–] notsosure@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 week ago (3 children)

“Nothing else in his apartment“? No towel, sock or Kleenex?

Reminds me of a video from /b/ where this prostitute goes "Where is your furniture, where do you fuck?" And then he goes "Everywhere" absurdity ensues, cannot share here due to rules

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

He swallows each load. Recycling!

[–] notsosure@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What are you hinting at? Not so sure what you mean.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

He says (quite clearly) that the reason for the lack of paper products to wick up the semen is because the man drinks his own semen, he goes on further likening this practice to recycling.

I hope I was of assistance.

[–] notsosure@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ah. I wasn’t thinking about THAT in my original question.

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[–] bollybing@lemmynsfw.com 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What do you think the chicken sandwiches are for?

[–] Honytawk@feddit.nl 5 points 1 week ago

You mean the napkins.

Right?

[–] bstix@feddit.dk 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I miss my first apartment. I had more furniture, but life was simple. At least for a while.

My mistake was to help a friend out by inviting him for a beer after work. He had broken up with his girlfriend and needed a place of his own. I got him into an apartment in my building. Big mistake. The guy just couldn't figure out how to be alone by himself. Every day just as I got home from work and sat down in my lawnchair, he'd ring my doorbell within 5 minutes wanting to hang out. It was alright for a while, but I soon got enough of socializing in all my free time. I'd rather be alone and do creative projects and such.

I told him off several times and explained how I needed personal time for myself, but he'd be back the very next day, not understanding how personal time could possibly take more than a few hours.

For the remaining time I lived there, I'd leave the door open, and just go on about my day whether or not he was around. The serenity was broken anyway.

[–] Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, I've also known people who can't handle being on their own at all. It's not obvious if they spread themselves amongst a bunch of different people. I'm the exact opposite, I guess somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot.

[–] KuroiKaze@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

I am this guy and I mostly mitigated it by being active in a bunch of different circles. I'm known amongst my friends as the guy that has way too many hobbies. That said when I'm alone I almost invariably play fighting games or narrative driven games (and the occasional rogue lite such as vampire survivors, ball x pit, monster train, slay the spire, etc) . I'm an insomniac and often am up twenty hours a day. I took up dancing 3 nights a week as a way to be social and stay healthy.

[–] ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Even for a hedonist, that's a sad ass life.

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 41 points 1 week ago (5 children)

He's not a hedonist, he's depressed. I know how good porn is, but it's not healthy to only have one activity and no people in your life.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This person has people in their life. Their landlord and boss at work! You really need more then that? I know its already to many people for me.

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 1 points 1 day ago

Bosses and landlords? No wonder he's depressed, keeping company like that

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[–] IntrovertTurtle@lemmy.zip 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Or, perhaps, it's the most relieving kind of life?

He doesn't want for anything. Not a goddamn thing. As long as he has plumbing, electricity, and access to the internet (for porn mostly), he is content.

No envy, no expectation, just bliss that you get to exist, and Jack off to an infinite library of nudes.

[–] ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Is he some sort of hobo philosopher a la Diogenes, sharing his insights? An ascetic monk, deep in meditation whenever he's not working and wanting for nothing? Idk, it didn't seem that way to me. I'll give you that he leads a very ecological life, but it seems to be more the result of poor financial choices. Maybe he's working this hard to give it all to charity every month, who knows? But I bet that's not what's happening (probably gambles or drinks or smokes his money away), and as such this is just a sad and aimless life.

[–] jaennaet@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

deep in ~~meditation~~ masturbation

[–] naeap@sopuli.xyz 12 points 1 week ago

How is that hedonistic?

Ok, maybe it fulfills your life to just jack off once a day, but how do you think this is hedonistic?

[–] HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Spiritually I get it. Though I do invite people over to my apartment a lot and have anxiety so I'm a "bare minimum to not get comments about lack of furnishing and decor" kind of minimalist.

I still need a proper TV stand and couch though. And I do get comments for having the big screen tv on the floor and just a bunch of chairs instead of a couch, only two cushioned chairs too. Foam mattress on the floor though with plenty of pillows and blankets. I need a rug too, basic linoleum flooring gets kinda chilly.

Balancing that versus maintaining a healthy bank account is difficult though with the amount I make and the location making my rent kinda steep (I like being able to bar hop via walking)

[–] eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Keep an eye out for freecycle and craigslist free stuff. That's the kind of stuff that has decent turnover and you often are doing someone a favor by taking it.

[–] Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Be VERY careful about accepting ANY used furniture. This is a good way to get yourself a bedbug infestation. Bedbugs are insidious and can hide in tiny little cracks in furniture, even if there is no upholstery. If you're going to get used furniture, dust it with diatomaceous earth. Put that shit in every crack you can find. If there is any cloth/upholstery, put a layer on all the cloth. Then when you have the furniture in place, put a circle of diatomaceous earth around each leg of furniture. (Do not put the furniture up against the wall, pull it about a half inch away from the wall.) If bed bugs attempt to emerge and crawl away, they will be dehydrated and die as they walk through the diatomaceous earth. Trust me when I say, you do not want those fuckers in your house. They are incredibly hard to eradicate once there is an infestation.

[–] DempstersBox@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I have scavenged furniture for years. Furnished houses and apartments and squats and warehouses and busses.

Have never knock on wood had bedbugs.

Learn what they and their eggs look like and inspect the shit you're grabbing first.

Once passed on a really nice couch in a nice neighborhood, because I spotted a half of an ass of one.

The stained old victorian style couch in the winco parking lot was fine though, lol

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[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

So, what were the plans for entertaining the co-worker?

[–] Catma@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Hah for a while I slept on the floor because I didn't care enough to get a bed. Furniture is mostly for when you want to impress guests, and so if you never have guests... The one exception is my recliner - it's the classic kind with a lever on the side to raise the footrest and it is perhaps the most comfortable thing in the world.

[–] Damage@feddit.it 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

One can enjoy beauty just for... Personal enjoyment as well

[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I don't think that (for example) my couch and my TV which are never used are adding beauty to my living room. I don't like sitting on a couch and watching TV, but for some reason I imagined that my friends would. Turns out that they don't like that either, so we never do it when we hang out (we don't hang out inside my house in the first place) and that stuff just costs money and takes up space.

If I were buying furniture all over again, I think I would just get a desk, an office chair, a bed (with a little end table), and my recliner. I eat at my desk, so I never use anything else.

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[–] stiffyGlitch@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

eh, he prolly bought the second lawn chair after he jerked off so hard he broke the first one.

wait he kept the broken one

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[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

I mean film is a family hobby. My dad spent forever building his dream sound system, and I built my "fuck yeah it works" system out of his discards (I have to recognize hardly anyone falls into great sound systems the way I did but by crab god, I'm a musician if I'm going to treat anything it's my ears). I got a decent working 5.1 system of 25 years old cones and tweeters, just spent some money a few years back to buy a severely outdated receiver because the one I had (have technically. still gotta clean it up and take down to the relic shoppe) was made before hdmi and was having difficulty communicating with modern devices over optical audio.

I guess my point (I need more coffee once already had too much) We decorate offa the things we do there. If his home is his goon cave, give him better things to do (help him goon)

[–] joan@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

Man after my own heart

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