this post was submitted on 11 Mar 2026
134 points (97.9% liked)

Not The Onion

20807 readers
2074 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

After some investigation, they determined dye had rubbed off his unwashed bedsheets.

top 28 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] hector@lemmy.today 2 points 19 hours ago

Is he from Kentucky? There is a condition, something about hemoglobin, it's genetic in some families in Kentucky, but can also have other causes, I think. This condition is not harmful either, people that have it live long lives.

[–] londos@lemmy.world 1 points 18 hours ago

Good thing it wasn't the US. Would have cost $30k just for the ER visit.

[–] LordMayor@piefed.social 64 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Huh, turned out he blued himself.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 34 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Blue himself. You were 98% there, then you blue it.

[–] hector@lemmy.today 1 points 19 hours ago

Got you singing the blues on his reply for sure.

[–] cattywampas@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

But just like the source material "I blue myself" doesn't make any sense when speaking in past tense, unless you're stretching language to make a joke. I love arrested development but I always thought that was one of their worst jokes.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 0 points 1 day ago (1 children)

The past tense of blow is blew. You really didn't get it.

[–] cattywampas@lemmy.world 0 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

If you had painted yourself blue you would say "I blued myself" not "I blue myself."

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca -1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

JFC..it was a phonetic joke to sound like he said he blew himself. It's a running gag with the character throughout the series. 4 hours and you still don't get it.

[–] cattywampas@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Dude, I get the joke. I blue myself/I painted myself blue = I blew myself/I sucked my own dick. I'm saying it's a badly written joke and it's not funny, a rare miss for the AD writers.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 day ago

I’m saying it’s a badly written joke and it’s not funny

Which is why it survives and is quoted almost 20 years later.

[–] bonenode@piefed.social 59 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Yo, listen up, here's the story

About a little guy that lives in a blue world

And all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue

Like him, inside and outside

Blue his house with a blue little window

And a blue Corvette and everything is blue for him

And himself and everybody around

'Cause he ain't got nobody to listen (To listen, to listen, to listen)

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 18 points 1 day ago

This happens surprisingly often. Wash fabrics before putting them into service; you don't want leftover dyes or other things on you or your stuff.

[–] Zeppo@sh.itjust.works 29 points 2 days ago

I never knew you had to wash your sheets before you slept on them

Absolute heathen

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] MidsizedSedan@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

Oh nonono. You're thinking of the support group. Its called the Blue Man Group.

[–] decended_being@midwest.social 15 points 2 days ago

The doctor rubbed Lynch's arm with an alcohol wipe, causing the swab to turn blue. It was then that Lynch realized that sleeping on his new, unwashed bed sheets for two nights was to blame for his predicament.

He said that he and the doctors had a good laugh over his situation.

“I never knew you had to wash your sheets before you slept on them," he said. “Everyone in the reception of A&E was staring at me like they’d seen a ghost."

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 10 points 2 days ago

At least he’s from the UK or he would be really blue considering the lifelong medical debt.

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm blue, da ba dee da ba di
Da ba dee da ba di, da ba dee da ba di
Da ba dee da ba di, da ba dee da ba di
Da ba dee da ba di, da ba dee da ba di

[–] thagoat@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 days ago

I'm blue, if I was green I would die

[–] JadenSmith@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago

This was a very, very entertaining read thank you lol.

Poor mum getting a fright from the weak reception.

[–] TomMasz@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You never sleep on new, unwashed bedsheets. I thought everyone knew that.

[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Always wash fabrics you bring home before use!

[–] paraphrand@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Sounds like some affordable sheets.

[–] kinkles@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago

Thank God it was blue, if he was green he would have died

[–] riskable@programming.dev 3 points 1 day ago

TL;DR: Turns out he gave a sheet.

[–] Ydna@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago