this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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I think sex positive people generally appreciate when their partner is upfront and clear about their boundaries. I just don't think it's as common for subs to be the ones to start that discussion. Even your wording regarding it taking a huge burden off your dom implies that there was some pressure on the dom to ask for it. In my experience, the doms are the ones that start that discussion. My experience seems to align with other people's experience when we discuss it, but I'm definitely not saying that's always the case.
Well yeah, there is a cultural assumption that the more dominant or masculine partner initiate, but feminine and submissive people can resist that and when we do so we find ourselves with better odds and with better communication. It also means we're more likely to scare off the people who are uncomfortable with us expressing our wants and needs.
I have particular experience with this as a submissive lesbian. Dominant women are often awkward about their dominance because they're going against society's expectations. And especially when it comes to hitting on women many fear being perceived as predatory. By merely being the one to initiate I'm able to break that barrier and display enthusiastic consent.
Ultimately I think it's something that should be more common and that role/gender shouldn't be a factor in who initiates