this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2025
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I basically agree with all but the coworkers not friends thing. You spend a fuckton of basically everyday with these people - you need to make it not a living hell for everybody, and the only people who ever say this shit are the most hostile, passive aggressive, self centered, backstabbing, anti-competitive, two-faced people you'll ever meet.
Like sure you don't have to give each oral and have lunch together, but, christ, don't be such cutthroat selfish pricks to each other, that's what the billionaires want.
Friends are people I like, share hobbies and interests with and want to have around me in my life. I picked my friends myself and I'm proud and happy with them.
Coworkers are people I'm stuck in a room with 40 hours a week. Of course you should be polite and friendly, because you're stuck with them. They got foisted on me and dealing with is part of why I get paid.
There's a huge difference between "not a living hell" and "sharing my private life and feelings". If everyone is professional and polite, that's great, but I dislike quite a lot of the people I work with and wouldn't spend 10 minutes with them if I didn't get paid for it.
If you dislike so many people you work with and feel like you are "stuck in a room" at you job, why don't you get a different job, where you like your coworkers and enjoy what you do?
I enjoy the work I do. I'm self employed and I got to hire all my coworkers myself. But "this person should be my close personal friend"is a very poor criterium for hiring someone.
Maybe I could have phrased it better. Most people at work I have a perfectly fine professional relationship with, but I wouldn't be friends with them. It's like neighbors, it's good to be nice with them, but in the Grand scheme of things, we're only spending time together because of physical proximity.
Maybe I have really high standards for friends, but if I didn't work with these people, we wouldn't find eachother remotely friend-material, so why does working together change that?
I fully agree with most of what you’re saying. But I also have many close friends who started out as coworkers, but we found out we’re enjoying each other’s company.
Hell I’m crashing on a former colleague’s (and former boss’s even) couch right now, and another colleague in the same city offered theirs. Another ex coworker is my deepest confidant in just about any topic.
It’s a bit tricky to find out which people are worth deepening the relationship with, and how to cordially avoid the others. But that’s just like everywhere else tbh.
Edit: I wanna add it’s perfectly fine to keep your distance to people from work, as long as you’re not being an asshole. I know I would have missed out on great seemingly lifetime friendships with that attitude and I don’t recommend not joining this seemingly cool person for a drink after work for the sole reason that you work together.
It's fine to be friends with your coworkers, but it shouldn't be an expectation
I'm torn, most of the time I'd agree and I do befriend co-workers myself most of the time. But I do kind of resent the fact that often people at work often come to dislike you if you aren't spending time with them during breaks/lunch.
Thing is, I know why: gossip/shit-talking about you is easier when you aren't around. I know co-workers will start shit talking other employees (or even the manager in a personal way rather than general work complaint way) and even when I myself dislike the co-worker/manager they're shit-talking myself I tend to soft-defend them because of the discomfort over talking shit about other people.
EDIT: I kind of wish people could just be more blunt/open or even confrontational and not do the Machiavellian thing. Rip the bandaid off.
I have to agree. Work, like school, has a mixture of people, some you'll get on with and others you won't. I've made some good friends there.