this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 185 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (5 children)

Matt said: “It was a very embarrassing accident. One of the issues with being so large, especially in hot water showers, is that it’s not exactly easy to see my feet.

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too. As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

Right, because a fifteen-inch penis is totally going to obstruct your view of both feet and everything else below your waistline, and your dick is totally the reason you clumsily slipped. And you totally aren't looking for every possible excuse to turn any event of your life into another opportunity to brag about your massive, record-breaking schlong.

🙄

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 38 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago (3 children)

While I appreciate the link, I am absolutely not having that in my watch history. I really don't want recommendations based on…whatever that is

[–] tedd_deireadh@lemmy.world 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Oh, c'mon! Where's your sense of adventure?

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It died when my bones started to creak

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Feels like it sometimes, ngl

Old age is probably worse, but middle age sucks

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 months ago

Not a very obfuscating username, Mr. Jackson. 🙇🏼‍♂️

[–] PhoreTwunny@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Yeah Tom Segura, yuck

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

He just described the bulge he sees and then tries to play it off like he wasn't staring at it. He says dick a bunch, and I think 1 fuck

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 19 points 2 months ago (2 children)

He just likes to brag & isn't evolved enough to have a detachable penis.

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I don't even have to clock the link, and King Missile is now playing the hits in my head. 🤘🏼

[–] ImADifferentBird@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Anyone can always acquire an enormous penis & just have it on display somewhere to soothe your day.

[–] tisktisk@piefed.social 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It takes one to know one, and buddy...you're not that guy

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 months ago

Thankfully, neither am I. 😅😶

[–] EvilEdgelord@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That sounds suspiciously jealous 😏

[–] happyfullfridge@lemmy.ml 11 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I'm 100% sure you cannot get an erection if it's that long, not enough blood in the body to supply it. You should probably get a surgery to make it smaller if you have this

[–] lost_faith@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago

Nah, you wanna blood dope

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] happyfullfridge@lemmy.ml 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)

if you are a doctor and have knowledge about it I'm happy to be educated, what I said is conjecture of what seems intuitively true to me personally

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I am not a doctor, nor was I the one spouting room temp BS with an air of familiarity to the topic. What you've posted is a half-thought that, especially since you're presumably holding a device, could've been just as quickly pursued to a citable reference you could've shared as part of your, now refined comment.

Think of the children, Doc. 🤌🏼

[–] happyfullfridge@lemmy.ml 0 points 2 months ago

genuinely looked and there's not much info or research about extremely large penis actually, if you find something I'm happy to hear it

[–] ParadoxSeahorse@lemmy.world 0 points 2 months ago

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too.As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

“I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely head first and crack my shoulder on the hard floor.I got two fractures as a result.”

Sounds like he slipped on his penis