this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 185 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (5 children)

Matt said: “It was a very embarrassing accident. One of the issues with being so large, especially in hot water showers, is that it’s not exactly easy to see my feet.

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too. As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

Right, because a fifteen-inch penis is totally going to obstruct your view of both feet and everything else below your waistline, and your dick is totally the reason you clumsily slipped. And you totally aren't looking for every possible excuse to turn any event of your life into another opportunity to brag about your massive, record-breaking schlong.

🙄

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago (3 children)

While I appreciate the link, I am absolutely not having that in my watch history. I really don't want recommendations based on…whatever that is

[–] tedd_deireadh@lemmy.world 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oh, c'mon! Where's your sense of adventure?

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It died when my bones started to creak

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Feels like it sometimes, ngl

Old age is probably worse, but middle age sucks

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 month ago

Not a very obfuscating username, Mr. Jackson. 🙇🏼‍♂️

[–] PhoreTwunny@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Yeah Tom Segura, yuck

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

He just described the bulge he sees and then tries to play it off like he wasn't staring at it. He says dick a bunch, and I think 1 fuck

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 19 points 1 month ago (2 children)

He just likes to brag & isn't evolved enough to have a detachable penis.

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I don't even have to clock the link, and King Missile is now playing the hits in my head. 🤘🏼

[–] ImADifferentBird@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Anyone can always acquire an enormous penis & just have it on display somewhere to soothe your day.

[–] tisktisk@piefed.social 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It takes one to know one, and buddy...you're not that guy

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 month ago

Thankfully, neither am I. 😅😶

[–] EvilEdgelord@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That sounds suspiciously jealous 😏

[–] happyfullfridge@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I'm 100% sure you cannot get an erection if it's that long, not enough blood in the body to supply it. You should probably get a surgery to make it smaller if you have this

[–] lost_faith@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 month ago

Nah, you wanna blood dope

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] happyfullfridge@lemmy.ml 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

if you are a doctor and have knowledge about it I'm happy to be educated, what I said is conjecture of what seems intuitively true to me personally

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I am not a doctor, nor was I the one spouting room temp BS with an air of familiarity to the topic. What you've posted is a half-thought that, especially since you're presumably holding a device, could've been just as quickly pursued to a citable reference you could've shared as part of your, now refined comment.

Think of the children, Doc. 🤌🏼

[–] happyfullfridge@lemmy.ml 0 points 4 weeks ago

genuinely looked and there's not much info or research about extremely large penis actually, if you find something I'm happy to hear it

[–] ParadoxSeahorse@lemmy.world 0 points 1 month ago

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too.As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

“I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely head first and crack my shoulder on the hard floor.I got two fractures as a result.”

Sounds like he slipped on his penis