this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 45 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

Envious men please remember vaginas do have an ending. Don't trust hentai, your penis will NOT come out of our mouths

[–] arararagi@ani.social 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

We know about the 666 man. Six figures salary. Six inches. Six feet tall.

[–] Ileftreddit@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Nothing about the 5’10 8” $95k guys anywhere

[–] nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca 20 points 2 days ago

Next you're going to tell me that piss doesn't come from the balls? Please.

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The cervix is just a door if you knock hard enough.

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 183 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (12 children)

Matt said: “It was a very embarrassing accident. One of the issues with being so large, especially in hot water showers, is that it’s not exactly easy to see my feet.

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too. As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

Right, because a fifteen-inch penis is totally going to obstruct your view of both feet and everything else below your waistline, and your dick is totally the reason you clumsily slipped. And you totally aren't looking for every possible excuse to turn any event of your life into another opportunity to brag about your massive, record-breaking schlong.

🙄

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 37 points 3 days ago (8 children)
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[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 18 points 3 days ago (4 children)

He just likes to brag & isn't evolved enough to have a detachable penis.

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[–] celeste@kbin.earth 87 points 3 days ago (2 children)

this guy gets a burn cooking and he's like "must've been because of my enormous penis" trips on the stairs "dick got caught in the spindles it's so big" gets sleep apnea "my giant schlong wraps itself around my throat when I'm sleeping"

[–] Bunbury@feddit.nl 11 points 2 days ago (4 children)

I mean, to be fair… it must be pretty annoying. Chances are he’s not compatible size wise with 99.99% of women. Probably even jerking off is a massive workout. Probably gets lightheaded each time it fills with blood. Seriously… when you’re this far out of the normal range I recon attention is the main positive thing that comes out of the situation (at least for people who like attention). Everything else just seems needlessly difficult.

[–] burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Probably gets lightheaded each time it fills with blood.

There was an interview with someone who has a record sized penis, and one of the funniest yet saddest moments was him and his wife talking about how she has to be careful and 'manage' his erection during sexual activities so he wouldn't pass out.

I think I would go get a medical license of some kind and solicit blood donations from friends just so I could pump my blood pressure up to avoid that.

[–] Bunbury@feddit.nl 2 points 2 days ago

Yeah, I might have seen the same interview. I just didn’t want to put the relevant words into a search engine to figure out specifically what I was vaguely remembering.

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[–] Wispy2891@lemmy.world 51 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

Unrelated but this newspaper says:

Join our WhatsApp! Our community members are treated to special offers, promotions and adverts from us and our partners

There's people that are actually saying "hell yes! Send me ads on WhatsApp, here's my phone number!" ???

[–] pyre@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

there's people falling in love with chatgpt, or taking medical advice or therapy from it. I'd take someone who gives away their number to receive ads kind of idiot every day of the week over that kind.

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 4 points 2 days ago

Ever since I've personally heard "I like some of these ads", I've lost faith in the masses

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[–] NutWrench@lemmy.ml 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)

“I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely head first and crack my shoulder on the hard floor.I got two fractures as a result.”

You did NOT slip on your penis.

[–] Votes@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 days ago (2 children)

He didn't, he said he slipped on shampoo that he couldn't see since his penis was obscuring his vision.

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

That's a lame excuse. I'm pretty sure my two legs are larger than his penis and I don't consider my vision obscured by them.

Was he slapping himself in the face or why was it so obscuring his vision?

A better title would be "man so mesmerised by having a large dick, he can't look away from it even when in slippery spaces"

[–] whome@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 day ago

Still bullshit, how many fast guys just see their bellies, I mean you can support of see his dick in his pants in the image, why would that block the view? maybe it's just time for some prescription glasses.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Were you there to see Matt, 41, owner of the world's largest penis, slip?

(Also he very clearly says he slipped on some shower gel, not his penis)

[–] JamesNZ@lemmy.world 86 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Summary of the article. " By the way I have a massive cock, it is just huge, biggest in the world. Did I say about my massive unit? It is really big...oh I slipped in the shower and broke my arm,...but let's get back to the massive third leg I have going on. ,,"

[–] 46_and_2@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

This dude has been in the news before, and again for some non-story, but thinly veiled trying to spread as much as possible exactly how long and thick his dong was. I mean good for him (or bad, many women's vaginas won't accommodate that), but he comes off as attention-seeker of the lowest order.

[–] wetsoggybread@lemmy.world 14 points 3 days ago (3 children)

"Oops, I dropped my magnum condom for my magnum dong"

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[–] IndustryStandard@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

[x] One broken arm
[ ] Second broken arm
[ ] Mom

[–] elbarto777@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

Leave this behind at reddit, please.

[–] BussyGyatt@feddit.org 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

is there a way to block all posts with links to a specific site?

[–] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

UBlock origin will let you do this. Come back to this comment in a couple minutes...

Edit: Add something like this to your uBlock Origin custom filters. (The sites I included are all paywalls, but you can substitute your own)

feddit.org.##.title:has-text(/theintercept.com|economist.com|military.com|wired.com|theverge.com|theglobeandmail.com|404media.co|nytimes.com|vox.com|washingtonpost.com|theatlantic.com/)

This will turn something like this:

into something like this:

(The "Anker's Sound" post has had its link and headline hidden)

Reddit Enhancement Suite had FilteReddit, which had more fine grained controls to block posts linking to specific sites. I've been looking for a Lemmy equivalent, but UO is the best I've found so far.

[–] JackLSauce@lemmy.world 45 points 3 days ago (16 children)

...independently measured at [37cm], and a cast of it has been included in a museum in Iceland.

I have questions for Iceland; mostly about how to pronounce ð but we'll get to that later

[–] cypherpunks@lemmy.ml 15 points 3 days ago (2 children)

a museum in Iceland

a museum? when it comes to phalluses i believe it is the museum: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icelandic_Phallological_Museum

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[–] AmidFuror@fedia.io 54 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Funny story, but the size of my penis is why my balls always get wet when I pee.

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[–] AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works 46 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I was careless, didn't look where I stepped, it was totally because of my dick. Let me tell you more about it...

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 30 points 3 days ago

Seriously. Dude is acting like he can't see the floor because his dick is in the way. Be one thing if he had syncope due to blood flow. Just didn't look.

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 30 points 3 days ago (9 children)

Ok that is the most ridiculous explanation I have ever heard. Do you have to see your feet to know where they are? And how do large busted or pregnant women manage then?

Oof it must suck to be hung that big though. No balls deep in anyone, ever, and careful sex only.

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[–] MrSulu@lemmy.ml 22 points 3 days ago

The world is full of men that can't see their own feet in the shower!

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago
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