this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
843 points (99.1% liked)

Not The Onion

18484 readers
2156 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.ca -3 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I do not drink alcohol. the day this guy stops talking i will continue to not drink alcohol. Just because someone you hate stops talking doesn't mean you need to drink.

[–] nocturne@slrpnk.net 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Martinelli's was good enough for me when I was 8, and it is good enough for me at 48.

Explanation: this is a carbonated apple juice, growing up this was provided at many parties for kids as an alternative to champagne. We keep a bottle in our house for celebrations still.

[–] 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.ca 0 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] nocturne@slrpnk.net 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I was agreeing with you and offering a non-alcoholic analog, but you do you bro.

[–] 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 days ago
[–] BlameTheAntifa@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I’m glad you are staying to true to yourself and your own needs, but you can find other ways to celebrate that work for you.