this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works
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Anon has had enough (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 80 points 3 months ago (5 children)

So there's this really cool trick:

  1. Face AWAY from the toilet with the heels of your feet close to the base.

  2. Un-button/tie/velcro/zip the whole waistband (not just the fly) such that you can-

  3. Lower your entire pants to the floor.

Now this part can be a bit tricky and does take some practice to keep your balance but

  1. Bend your knees down into a squat while leaning ever so slightly backwards (you can put a hand on a nearby solid object such as the sink or a wall to steady yourself. They also make raised seats with handles on either side if you need help with this).

  2. Situate your buttocks firmly on the seat.

  3. Separate your thighs such that you can

  4. Point your penis down between your legs towards the toilet bowl.

  5. Proceed to urinate.

  6. Hygiene is the same as peeing using other techniques.

This technique is all but foolproof; it is almost impossible to miss the toilet bowl.

Hope this helps!

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 67 points 3 months ago (2 children)

You forgot to state that the lid should be up

Now I've got piss everywhere

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 14 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

OK you have a point that I will only grant because I'm so used to finding the lid left up despite my best efforts but you are correct.

[–] snoons@lemmy.ca 3 points 3 months ago

I keep all my bathroom stuff in my room because none of the people I've ever lived with have thought it worth their time to put down the lid when they flush.

[–] 404@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 months ago

And the pants, lowered all the way to the floor, are swimming in a pool of piss

[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 17 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Sitting can be very difficult first thing in the morning sometimes. Well, not the sitting part but the getting your dick to point down into the bowl part.

[–] NABDad@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Some mornings, after you sit, you need to bend over until your forehead is on your feet.

[–] RacerX@lemmy.zip 9 points 3 months ago

I prefer to put my hands on the floor and lift my feet up against the wall.

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Well step 1 should be: Beat that meat into submission

[–] merde@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 months ago

1+1=2
2+2=4
4+4=8
8+8=16
16+16=32
32+32=64
64+64=128
128+128=256
256+256=512
512+512=1024
1024+1024=2048
2048+204… submission (if not, sing this, with the same voice ☞ https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=NfnTKUkCafo

[–] untorquer@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

DO NOT FUCK UP STEP 7

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Don't kink shame

[–] untorquer@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

No kink shaming. Simply put, "Under the seat" is NOT equivalent to "towards the bowel". If you get off on the gamble then flow free my friend.

[–] snoons@lemmy.ca 9 points 3 months ago

You forgot the most important step:

  1. Wash your roommates hairy ass grease off the seat.

Usually why I stand.