this post was submitted on 01 Feb 2026
1194 points (98.3% liked)

Not The Onion

20497 readers
842 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 73 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I still think autoerotic asphyxiation is the most embarrassing way to die, but, thanks to this article, I’ve now been introduced to a close second.

The fact that he was a billionaire diamond magnate just makes it easier to laugh.

[–] IronBird@lemmy.world 50 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

this is definitely worse than autoerotic asphyxiation, that's just someone trying and failing to explore their kink...this is just someone who won the game of life being insecure about his dick

[–] architect@thelemmy.club 13 points 3 weeks ago

I agree this is worse.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 7 points 3 weeks ago

Solid argument

[–] nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca 8 points 3 weeks ago

Maybe the surgery was a success. Dude asked for a dong the size of a Pringles can, got one, and all his blood went to it and he died. Checks out to me.

[–] Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Choking to death on stolen panties must be up there in the rankings. No cases to cite but would be surprised it was zero.

[–] Drusas@fedia.io 9 points 3 weeks ago

I'd check Japan. Bunch of panty thieves there.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

...was I supposed to be eating the panties all this time?