this post was submitted on 14 Feb 2026
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What dating apps are really optimizing. Hint: it isn’t love (theconversation.com)
submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by Beep@lemmus.org to c/technology@lemmy.world
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In the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, dating apps typically see a spike in new users and activity. More profiles are created, more messages sent, more swipes logged.

Dating platforms market themselves as modern technological solutions to loneliness, right at your fingertips. And yet, for many people, the day meant to celebrate romantic connection feels lonelier than ever.

This, rather than a personal failure or the reality of modern romance, is the outcome of how dating apps are designed and of the economic logic that governs them.

These digital tools aren’t simply interfaces that facilitate connection. The ease and expansiveness of online dating have commodified social bonds, eroded meaningful interactions and created a type of dating throw-away culture, encouraging a sense of disposability and distorting decision-making.

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[–] Slashme@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

The apps have been very kind to me.

On Tinder, I met my GF from 2017 to 2022. We had a lot in common, had some really great times, but the long-distance thing in the end was too much, so when she suggested opening up the relationship, I went back on the apps, and after an open relationship phase, we decided to shift from a romantic relationship to friendship. We're still good friends, though - I saw her last Thursday when she was in my city.

During our open phase, I met some lovely people (two on Bumble, one on tinder) who for one reason or another weren't open to a committed relationship, but there was no harm done - we spent good time together and drifted naturally apart once I started a relationship that turned monogamous. No hard feelings on either side.

On Tinder I also met my current (forever) partner. Amazing, low-conflict relationship. We live together and I've kind of stepped into the dad role for her son. We met in December 2021, chatted for three months and then started seeing each other, and soon became exclusive. I get along brilliantly with her parents, as does she with mine. We're absolutely sure that we're together for life.

I never felt that the apps were leading me into cheap, disposable relationships. I never had issues of "What if the next perfect person is just one swipe away?"