this post was submitted on 03 Mar 2026
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Who am I? No forreal, WHO AM I? Last I remember I was on a cruise around the Caribbean. I blacked out one night while at the casino and when I came to I was on a beach in the middle of nowhere with a toothless man who spoke a language I couldn't comprehend, unable to remember my name or anything from before the cruise. Thankfully he still has a dial up connection somehow in the year of our lord 2026, but I've been on this island for two years now. SOMEONE COME GET ME!
Your wife is much happier with me now and the children are already calling me dad. It's time to move on.