Not The Onion

20753 readers

1639 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

Links to news stories from...
...credible sources, with...
...their original headlines, that...
...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

kescusay@lemmy.world

488

Workers who love ‘synergizing paradigms’ might be bad at their jobs (news.cornell.edu)

submitted 3 days ago by sundray@lemmus.org to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

85 comments fedilink hide all child comments

YA THINK?

“Corporate bullshit is a specific style of communication that uses confusing, abstract buzzwords in a functionally misleading way,” said Littrell, a postdoctoral researcher in the College of Arts and Sciences. “Unlike technical jargon, which can sometimes make office communication a little easier, corporate bullshit confuses rather than clarifies. It may sound impressive, but it is semantically empty.”

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] malle_yeno@pawb.social 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Okay just for fun, I wanted to take a stab at trying to understand some of the examples mentioned in the article.

We will actualize a renewed level of cradle-to-grave credentialing.

We're gonna do a really good job of making passwords (or degrees?) that last a lifecycle.

By getting our friends in the tent with our best practices, we will pressure-test a renewed level of adaptive coherence.

By convincing people we can do our jobs well, we're gonna prove we're really good at listening.

For instance, a leaked 2009 Pepsi marketing presentation with language such as “The Pepsi DNA finds its origin in the dynamic of perimeter oscillations…our proposition is the establishment of a gravitational pull to shift from a transactional experience to an invitational expression …”

uhhh okay this is tough. how about:

Pepsi is known for waves (maybe lmao? i genuinely don't know what perimeter oscillations is trying to say). We want to make people feel like buying Pepsi isn't just buying something but is an invitation.

Our device strategy must reflect Microsoft’s strategy and must be accomplished within an appropriate financial envelope

oh this actually isn't that hard: "Corporate cut our budget."

[–] GenderNeutralBro@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 10 hours ago

For instance, a leaked 2009 Pepsi marketing presentation with language such as “The Pepsi DNA finds its origin in the dynamic of perimeter oscillations…our proposition is the establishment of a gravitational pull to shift from a transactional experience to an invitational expression …”
uhhh okay this is tough. how about:

Pepsi is known for waves (maybe lmao? i genuinely don’t know what perimeter oscillations is trying to say). We want to make people feel like buying Pepsi isn’t just buying something but is an invitation.

LOL that one's a mess.

"Perimeter oscillations" sounds to me like a way to describe shifts in consumer opinions and preferences. A really dumb way. But who knows? Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of marketing execs?

I get the same feeling from corpo-speak as I get from bad poetry. Like the author runs all their ideas through a few rounds of mutations, out of fear of being seen as simple. The goal is not to be understood, but to make yourself harder to criticize.