Greentext

there is a difference between someone caring for me as a feeling, and doing it as an activity.

like yes, my parents cared about me, emotionally. but their actions, were hardly ever caring.

and people don't seem to understand the difference. i have had the same thing in romantic relationships. someone saying they care about you is very different than them actually doing this that show that they care, and sometimes, their feelings of care, lead them to engage in activities that are abusive and make the other person feel like absolute shit about themselves and the relationship.

have you ever been in a relationship with someone who claims to love you, and just systematically does things that show you they don't love you, or does those things under the guises of love, but is actively harming you?

because that's what physical/emotional abusers do. they see their abuse of you as them loving/caring for you. or 'just trying to help'.

i think my favorite example was LTR i was in once, where i had a girlfriend who showed she cared about my studying for cert exames, by buying me pencils... cute. but then she systematically got enraged that i was spending so much time studying and not spending it with her, and that she engaged in active sabotage of me emotionally so that i'd fail the exams. but she 'was loving and supportive' by buying me... pencils... least to say i was never able to articulate the problem to her of her actions. She basically just told me I was a awful jerk for 'neglecting her' by needing a couple of nights off to study... she was co-dependent and saw those 5-6 hours of me investing in my (and our) future... as 'theft' from her need to be with me everyday. i only broke up with her because shortly thereafter she physically assaulted me, again under the guise of 'correcting' my 'abuse' of her, which she alleged was because I was not 'doing enough' to impress her parents...