this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2026
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Very sincerely, what did I say that could even be construed as homophobic...? Of my last 5 relationships all of them have been queer lmao π
Fellating.
Huh. I would have never guessed that useage of the term would be labeled homophobic π
I'll keep that in mind next time I give someone a blowjob :P
its kind of a thin argument on which to delete my comment and then leave a reply implying I'm a bigot, now that no one can see what I actually said and decide if they think thats true lol
The comment is in the modlog https://lemmy.ml/modlog?commentId=26319955 that's how I saw what you wrote.
Yes, I imagine you can see what it says and make a decision on it, and thats all fair and well, but deleting it and then also leaving a public comment calling me a bigot feels pretty transparently like a bad faith way to act
They could have just as easily dm'ed me the reason for the removal, but they chose to delete the message so no one can see it and then also casually assert it was homophobia so blatant it would obviously never be okay. Which is a pretty drastic response that just happens to be when I voiced frustration about ml. Its awfully convenient for my perspective to be dismissed as the voice of a bigot
I guess you can argue homophobia if you wanna, but the combination of deleting and then publicly accusing me of bigotry for using oral sex as a metaphor for appeasement kinda just reads as the moderator equivalent of editing your comment after someone replies to make them look like they said something indefensible π€·π»ββοΈ
Regardless, hope you have a nice day.
Have a nice day
Thanks, gonna do my best βΊοΈ
This sounds like the exact same argument my ex high school friends used to use when overusing the word "r*ped" when playing video games because it's apparently "just a metaphor for a power dynamic".
(Not the person who down voted you) There is a small difference between those things π . Rape is not the same thing as fellatio, using fellatio in a metaphor is not making light of a trauma caused by sexual abuse. I'm not even sure how its homophobic given it doesnt specifiy the gender of the person sucking someone's dick. Its not a specifically gay sex act, people give straight blowjobs all the time (I, as a masc identifing person have given straight blowjobs)
If someone prefers folks don't use "fellate" as a euphemism for indulgent gratification of another person in a metaphorical sense, similar to "sucking up to someone", "patting eachother on the back", or licking boots (though thats specifically about doing so to authority, so not really applicable) thats valid, I can respect that.
It didn't occur to me someone might not appreciate that usage of the term, and if thats not within reasonable behavior for this space in the eyes of moderation thats okay- deleting the comment and then leaving a reply implying I said something horrific, however, is less cool. Thats a dick move, and pretty transparently a bad faith behavior that feels intended to punish me for voicing frustration with .ml
Which again, I've had many positive interactions with folks from the instance. But it is certainly not without its frustrations and outright unpleasantness at times.
Yeah sorry, I wasn't trying to equate the two words, just the arguments to defend using them. I can agree that the words hold very different weights.
There's an argument to be made, even though "fellate" might be something that is done by a wide variety of sexualities, it has history and that history is as a homophobic insult. Sure, words can be reclaimed by the gay community, but the metaphor of sucking dick as a subservient action is so fucking pervasive (especially in discussions about politics for some reason) and it points towards unexamined patterns of language that are very harmful. Add on the borderline ableism at the end and it comes across as bad faith at the start, so it's no wonder a mod responds like this.