this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2024
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[–] sunbeam60@lemmy.one 57 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

I’ve put through kids through secondary and have two more to go. I universally regret giving them a smartphone at year 7. For the first one we fought valiantly - we said no; she and one other girl in her whole year didn’t have a smart phone. Within 6 months it became clear that she was missing out on a lot of events by not having a phone. We caved in and bought one of those neutered android phones meant for younger people - it sucked and basically didn’t work. After 9 months we got her a used iPhone.

It was also the wrong thing to do. Social media immediately starts shaping them and we still have restrictions on which networks they can go on. She can pry Instagram out of my cold dead hands; that site is liquid poison for a young girl.

[–] suzune@ani.social 33 points 9 months ago (3 children)

I decided to go in the other direction. My two boys got their phones at 7 and 8. I put parental controls on it and never allowed them install apps. Most annoying is the extensive use of Youtube so far, but on the other hand both of them are speaking English and have good grades. The usage is limited to 2 hours a day. And at 9pm the phone locks itself.

However, I talked to them about social media and blocked Whatsapp, Instagram etc. I still need to talk more to them of course, because it's a risk for adults, too. They are individuals and I respect that they need to have fun after school. And I want them not to be "cool" online, but generally be happy with their lifes.

[–] sunbeam60@lemmy.one 20 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Our experience was that iPhone parental controls are broken beyond belief. They basically don’t work. Searching online I’m not the only one with that problem. Maybe it’s better on Android.

[–] TimeSquirrel@kbin.social 8 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

On Android, I'm using Google Family Link. Pretty much locks down and takes control of the entire phone and let's you manage it all remotely, it's akin to attaching a Windows computer to a centrally managed Active Directory domain.

[–] sunbeam60@lemmy.one 4 points 9 months ago

Screen Time on iOS is proper road kill. It’s not clear, it’s slow to update and it does not obey screen time restrictions.

[–] suzune@ani.social 1 points 9 months ago

Yes, I use family link, too. The only annoying thing are general age restrictions. I am the parent and I need Element.IO for my kids that is rated 18. It doesn't let me install it, even when it's our private chat server. Fuck those people who make decisions for parents.

[–] jerrythegenius@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's not that they basically don't work, they pretty much don't work full stop. Most of my experience with them was in ios 12 but even in 16 they're still crap

[–] sunbeam60@lemmy.one 8 points 9 months ago

And Apple know, of course they do. But there isn’t any profit in letting anyone use your phone less.

[–] Contingencyfork@lemmy.world 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Honestly I think this is the way to go. You can only avoid it for so long. Rather than trying to stop them it's probably more effective teaching them control and how to navigate this flood of potentially dangerous influences.

[–] suzune@ani.social 1 points 9 months ago

Yes, if you always need to tell your kid what to do, it's all your job. Teach them to think like you think. It saves a lot of work and is less stressful.

[–] asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

And what was the result? Did that work?

[–] suzune@ani.social 3 points 9 months ago

Depends what you mean by "it worked". Of course the kids play too much games and watch too much YouTube. But at least I have kids that are happy and I really have fun with.

It's also easier to tell them what I want when I really need them to do something. What I want to avoid is to have kids that don't have respect towards their parents.

I guess it's also my attitude. I really like to come back from work and have fun with my kids and see them happy. I know many parents who rather try to get their kids to sleep as soon as possible to have time for themselves.

[–] TheDarksteel94@sopuli.xyz 18 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Lol, I would've been bullied in school if I didn't have a phone. At least in later grades when phones became more popular.

[–] asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world 25 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Coming from an era when nobody had phones, basically everyone got bullied anyway.

[–] tobbue@feddit.de 26 points 9 months ago

This, tbh. You don't get bullied for something, you get bullied because bullies want to bully.

[–] TheDarksteel94@sopuli.xyz 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

In my experience it's usually the ones that stick out and aren't seen as "cool". Not even nerds, just people that are different in one way or another.

[–] asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world -1 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] TheDarksteel94@sopuli.xyz 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

No? Not everyone got bullied when I went to school, and I'm sure it's not very different nowadays.

[–] asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

My point is that everyone is "different in one way or another", so we're all fair game. That might be getting bullied in front of everyone for being a stereotypical nerd, or it may be another clique talking about you behind your back for dressing preppy and hanging out with the "cool kids".

[–] TheDarksteel94@sopuli.xyz 1 points 9 months ago

Yeah, fair enough

[–] EngineerGaming@feddit.nl 1 points 9 months ago

I think it depends the most on whether the child has a group of friends or not.

[–] Evkob@lemmy.ca 7 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I didn't have a phone until I was 16 despite most of my peers getting one around 12/13. I didn't get bullied for not having a phone, in fact no one really made any comments on it other than an occasional "wow, I couldn't live without my phone!"

Granted, this was over ten years ago, and was probably the first generation of teenagers where cell phones were near-ubiquitous. I don't know if kids nowadays would get bullied just for not having a phone, but it would severely limit their social interactions. Riding your bike and knocking at your friends' doors randomly, or going to the mall and expecting you'll find some people you know there, these are from a bygone era.

[–] TheDarksteel94@sopuli.xyz 5 points 9 months ago

I had a phone, but it was an old one, so people made fun of that.

[–] Zealousideal_Fox900@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

*Poison for any young person.

[–] sunbeam60@lemmy.one 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

No doubt. I’ve only had girls at that age so didn’t want to generalise.