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Residents Beg Michigan Mayor to Stop Solar Eclipse - He Scientifically Can't (rivergrandrapids.com)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

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“I've been told that I need to stop this eclipse and I do not have the authority to do that. So yes, people are really concerned. But we're just trying to prepare them.”

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[–] ours@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Everybody knows celestial bodies only listen to us if we do a proper human sacrifice. Preferably from a tall place.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

And ideally of someone who doesn't fuck.

Its the 21st century, I think we can do better than 'a virgin'.

Anybody here ace and suicidal, maybe looking to spite the literal heavens? You could make a small town very happy. Especially if you're into mountaineering.

[–] ours@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Some cultures "offered" free drugs/alcohol for the sacrificed. Might find some takers.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, I think I could get my hands on some stuff.

The Aztecs did not have LSD and E.

[–] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)

They had mushrooms.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 2 points 11 months ago

Yeah, and some other stuff, but dude; not the same.

I like mushrooms, but they're not the same thing.