this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2024
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This is really helpful thank you
Could you elaborate further on platonic attraction? The internet says a platonic relationship is a relationship without romance or sex. This seems to contradict with it being a criteria for sexual partners for you but maybe I'm confusing things
If you label a relationship as platonic, that usually serves to make it explicit that there's no romance or sex going on, yes.
When talking about attraction though, we're in the context of the split attraction model (look that up if you're interested), and there, platonic attraction is treated not as the opposite of sexual attraction, but as its own axis for basically saying "how much do I want this person to be my friend", without saying anything about how much you're sexually attracted to the person.
If you want to properly reconcile the terms, think about it like this - a sexual/romantic relationship is one where the sexual/romantic attraction between the partners is the strongest force, whereas a platonic relationship is one where their platonic attraction is the strongest force.
I personally actually have a hard time seeing platonic and romantic attraction as separate axes, for me, romantic attraction just feels like an extension, a stronger form of platonic attraction.
I guess that explains it, thank you.
Oh yes I'm completely with you on that one, i think... but then I also feel like for me personally sexual attraction is an extension of romantic attraction. It's all about how you interpret your feelings I guess...
That's a lot of it. Like sex is also just a good way to acheive intimacy with someone you care about.
The big thing for asexual people is how you view people you aren't already attracted to in other ways. Most people can find people they barely know sexually attractive. For example celebrity crushes or finding a certain porn model hot. For an asexual person that is a foreign concept. I've never seen someone and desired to have sex with them because of how they look. It's not that we don't know when people are good looking but we don't really feel anything towards them just because they are. That's also not to say asexual people never watch porn it's just that when we do it's about the act taking place not the people in it.
Yeah that makes sense. I'm not sure about sex but I definitely can desire intimacy only based on looks or general vibe so then I guess I actually do feel some kind of romantic attraction separately from platonic attraction.
I guess platonic isn't the right word but it's the closest I could think of at the time. I guess maybe emotional attraction? A person I care deeply about who I enjoy being around and feels the same towards me. Basically a relationship for me is just a best friend who I also happen to have sex with and thats what I look for personally.
But the main thing is the lack of sexual attraction. Other sex favorable ace people may deal with things differently. I personally know one asexual aromantic woman who doesn't care who she screws because like I said before, a lack of attraction doesn't make people unattractive, it's just null. So for her basically everyone is the same so she'll just take whoever to meet her needs whenever she's horny and just be done with it. From what I've seen in the ace community that definitely isn't common but it is a good example of just how different the the stance on sex between different asexual people can be.
Isn't that just romantic attraction?
I guess it is. I personally have a very hard time drawing a line between liking someone as a really good friend and liking someone romantically. For me the only difference between a best friend and a romantic partner is if romantic activities (kissing, sleeping together, screwing, etc.) are taking place and even then some of those lines get blurry with some of my friends.
Yeah I'm with you on tha
sounds fun, where can I find friends like that?
I have no idea lol. They kind of found me and basically adopted me. Your local game store is probably your best place to look though.
praying to our overlords it is
Platonic seems fine with me. If you just see sex as another activity to do, like playing board games or TTRPGs, then it makes sense. As hikaru pointed out, the relationship itself wouldn't be platonic, but the attraction can be.
Granted, I say this as someone who does not engage in sex (and honestly not sure how ace I may or may not be).