this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
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219
Elon Musk wants to implant millions of people with Neuralink brain chips (www.independent.co.uk)
submitted 3 months ago by shish_mish@lemmy.world to c/technology@lemmy.world
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[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 52 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

Day 1 after implantation: this is great! I now have photographic memory of everything! Best decision ever.

Day 20: I've memorized so much so fast, I'm going to have to go for the next higher up subscription level to unlock more storage.

Day 200: I'm running out of space again. Going for the plus subscription.

Day 600: ran out of storage space again. I can't afford the next higher subscription. I'm going to have to start deleting unnecessary memories. My brain has lost its natural ability to make and retain memories by itself. I can't even function on a daily basis without free storage space.

Day 700: I have run out of memories that I'm willing to part away with. I still can't afford the higher subscription. Luckily there is a cheaper tier. All I have to do is give NeuraLink full access and rights over my memories for marketing and AI training purposes.

Day 900: They have increased the cost of subscription. I can't afford it. I'm going to lose half of my storage space. I have two days to choose which of my memories to keep. The rest will be no longer accessible to me, but will still be used by Neuralink for their own purposes as they own those memories now.

Day 1200: the chip will no longer be supported next month. I can't afford the new model. It will be disabled in 30 days.

Day 1235: I have just found this diary. It explains a lot. I only wished it told me what my name is.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 25 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You forgot the part where you agreed to let them harvest your organs if you fail to pay your subscription fees.

[–] Plopp@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Also, suddenly you're unable to say negative things about Elon Musk for some reason.

[–] Munkisquisher@lemmy.nz 7 points 3 months ago

He hopes to woo advertisers back by beaming ads directly into your most treasured memories

[–] NotMyOldRedditName@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Well done, do you write for work/hobby?

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Nah, I'm just a bored guy on the internet

[–] NotMyOldRedditName@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Well kudos bored guy on the internet. It was a riveting read.

[–] MrLLM@ani.social 1 points 2 months ago

Nah, I just follow orders

[–] ZephyrXero@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

So the plot of Johnny Mnemonic?