this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2025
643 points (96.9% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] EndofLife@feddit.org 260 points 1 week ago (4 children)

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.

[–] ghostrider2112@lemmy.world 68 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 51 points 1 week ago (2 children)

... some stay dry, others feel the pain.

[–] ghostrider2112@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago

😂🍫🌧️

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[–] PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat 198 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."

[–] Cordyceps@sopuli.xyz 59 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Occam's razor and all that

[–] Cordyceps_cereal@lemmynsfw.com 30 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] unconsciousvoidling@sh.itjust.works 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] prenatal_confusion@feddit.org 54 points 1 week ago

Subscribe to my only fans to find out more.

[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 191 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

[–] Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 149 points 1 week ago (1 children)

but sadly, Anon is American

[–] DannyBoy@sh.itjust.works 120 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The worst condition of them all.

[–] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] 404@lemmy.zip 33 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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[–] 000999@lemmy.dbzer0.com 119 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] bollybing@lemmynsfw.com 11 points 1 week ago

Maybe just a homeless guy

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 90 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

Know your local mythology.

[–] S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (5 children)
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[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 77 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Did it have a flared end?

If yes:

It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.

or

He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.

If no:

Butt plug goblins.

They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.

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[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 65 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Mmmm, that's some fresh greentext too!

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 39 points 1 week ago

So fresh it's still green

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oh wow. I've never seen one this fresh!

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[–] LeninOnAPrayer@lemm.ee 16 points 1 week ago

Yeah it doesn't have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn't have the same feeling with it though.

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[–] echodot@feddit.uk 63 points 1 week ago

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 46 points 1 week ago (10 children)

Do people actually do this?

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 66 points 1 week ago (11 children)

People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.

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[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 47 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol

[–] Majorllama@lemmy.world 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

Literally on 4chan as a header.

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[–] padge@lemmy.zip 13 points 1 week ago

Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.

[–] Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 week ago

4chan makes me believe it more in this case

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[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago (8 children)
[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago (3 children)

May I ask why? No disrespect intended, just trying to understand.

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[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 43 points 1 week ago

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

[–] daepicgamerbro69@lemmy.world 34 points 1 week ago

i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 30 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 1 week ago (15 children)

but anon's a wizard himself

[–] goldteeth@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 week ago

and then the doctor says "I can't operate on this wizard... he's my son!!"

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[–] Dagnet@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Was getting in the way of the aliens probing anon

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[–] unknown1234_5@kbin.earth 14 points 1 week ago

butt plug tom strikes again

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 13 points 1 week ago

It's under the bed.

[–] conditional_soup@lemm.ee 12 points 1 week ago
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