this post was submitted on 18 Apr 2025
327 points (99.1% liked)

Not The Onion

15928 readers
2089 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 27 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Fingolfinz@lemmy.world 110 points 4 days ago

Kids are fucking dying of measles in that shit state and that’s what they’re worried about

[–] sludge@lemmy.ml 84 points 4 days ago (2 children)

They say it's the breast, but they're likely not fans of the motto either.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 47 points 4 days ago

Or the notion of a woman beating a man

[–] DBT@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago (1 children)

For those who are curious, Virginia’s motto is Sic semper tyrannis, which is a Latin phrase meaning "that’s my fuckin’ tit, bitch"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sic_semper_tyrannis

Sic semper tyrannis is a Latin phrase meaning "thus always to tyrants". In contemporary parlance, it means tyrannical leaders will inevitably be overthrown. The phrase also suggests that bad but justified outcomes should, or eventually will, befall tyrants.

Yeah, pretty much

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 36 points 4 days ago (3 children)
[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 45 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

Anyway, here's a censored version:

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 14 points 4 days ago

Stop dropping your phone on the fucking train

Every morning I clock into work, and 12 hours later I clock out covered in jizz because someone dropped their phone while looking at porn and turned the whole trip into a goddamn gangbang. I can’t take it anymore. I’m literally knee deep in spunk by the end of the day, because all you motherfuckers are apparently lubing up your hands and can’t get a grip. We’ve all had to start wearing blindfolds when we exit the front so we don’t accidentally get a peak and start furiously cranking our cocks to “thugposts” or “femboys” or whatever the newest horny fad is.

For the love of god, stop dropping your phone on the fucking train.

by the way heres an extra censored version

[–] D_C@lemm.ee 4 points 4 days ago

Hehe, 8008 😲

[–] AA5B@lemmy.world 0 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Wait, this is really the flag? Now I’m imagining all sorts of femdom fanfic online

Then again we can certainly do worse, and have, than porn portraying liberty and justice dominating oppression

[–] slaneesh_is_right@lemmy.org 36 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Softest fucking people on the planet.

[–] InverseParallax@lemmy.world 17 points 4 days ago

They had 2 revolutioary wars.

Both were because they were part of a country that wasn't pro-slavery enough.

[–] jqubed@lemmy.world 60 points 4 days ago (2 children)

For those of you unfamiliar with the flag and seal of the state of Virginia, here’s the Wikipedia page, including the image.

[–] IceFoxX@lemm.ee 20 points 4 days ago

History lessons must be really bad for you ( Well for people living there) if they change things like that.

[–] dalekcaan@lemm.ee 1 points 4 days ago

Should be tagged NSFW (/s, just in case it wasn't clear)

[–] reseller_pledge609@lemmy.dbzer0.com 49 points 4 days ago (1 children)

The woman on the flag is supposed to be Virtus, which symbolises a bunch of masculine traits. But they wouldn't know that because the cunts behind the ban likely can't read.

[–] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 15 points 4 days ago (1 children)

"Sounds like one of them Trans-Am son bitches"

[–] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 4 days ago (1 children)

In Texas it's mandatory to blindfold breast-feeding babies.

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 24 points 4 days ago

Texas or not, the internet is full of stories where some 'murican gets outraged about a woman breastfeeding her baby in public. So weird. They definitely shouldn't come here!

Some even go so far to say that breastfeeding babies per se is somehow wrong.

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 29 points 4 days ago (1 children)

That motto, the lesson tells students, means "Thus Always to Tyrants."

Maybe it's not just about the nipple.

[–] InverseParallax@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago

That translates to 'sic semper tyrannus'

The quote attributed to Brutus when stabbing Caesar, and what John Wilkes booth said after shooting Lincoln.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 22 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] InverseParallax@lemmy.world 19 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Y'All Queda.

[–] opus86@lemmy.today 6 points 3 days ago

When was Texas taken over by Puritans? I know some Texans and I would assume rejecting the sight of a titty would upset them. They are usually the first ones to start yelling "Show us your tits!", or any other offensive thing.

[–] DarkFuture@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

Texas and Florida. Neck and neck for "states that should have been aborted".

somewhere john ashcroft went y'all are overreacting