this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2024
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Memes

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[–] thorbot@lemmy.world 57 points 10 months ago

Hey are you a cigarette? cuz baby you’re subsidized as fuck and heavily marketed to children and you make me hack up a fuckin lung every time I smell you

[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 38 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] Maven@lemmy.world 34 points 10 months ago (4 children)
[–] Master@lemm.ee 69 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Because being around you gave me cancer.

[–] SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Bah gawd! That man has a family!

[–] Darkenfolk@dormi.zone 12 points 10 months ago
[–] gsfraley@lemmy.world 47 points 10 months ago

Haha thanks you too

[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 32 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Na, cause I wanna get lit and put you in my butt

[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wait, no

Cause my butt is lit and I'm drooling on you

[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 25 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Wait Wait... No

Cause I'm objectifying you so much it's life threatening, but it's ok cause society normalized me

[–] AVincentInSpace@pawb.social 7 points 10 months ago
[–] blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You are what you... What you eat?

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[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.works 37 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Literally nobody's ass is that clean.

[–] cuchilloc@lemmy.world 73 points 10 months ago (5 children)

Literally eating ass for 14 years, never got an itchy butt. If someone has them, they would know and maybe not even want to have genital sex. The best sex happens with people you can trust.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 46 points 10 months ago

Sweetest thing I've read all day and it's about eating ass

[–] Cosmonauticus@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago

Never thought I'd read something so wholesome and true in a thread about licking butthole

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[–] Saik0Shinigami@lemmy.saik0.com 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)

My washlet and high water pressure says otherwise.

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[–] Lmaydev@programming.dev 8 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Exactly. Your butt should be clean. It's really easy to clean your butt before hand. When I see these sort of comments I assume people are just gross and can't imagine people having clean butts.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 215 points 10 months ago (15 children)

Well, allow a career nurse's assistant to chime in.

Having wiped and washed asses for not a living (seriously, the pay is bad) for twenty years, I can 100% guarantee you that it does not matter how much you wash the ass, if there are worms in the intestines, you still run the risk of sucking a few of them up while you're hoovering the ass with your tongue.

And, even if you hose that thing down, the risk of bacterial transfer is non zero.

First, the ol' brown eye is wrinkly as hell. Washing your own ass means you can't see everything to be certain you got every last trace of fecal matter. That trace may be smaller than a pinhead, but when you're tongue-punching the fart box, that pinhead is still going to get licked up.

Second, it isn't like all the bacteria in the area magically disappear. Most people get so focused on the anus itself, they don't remember to scrub the cheeks. Maybe you're an exception to that, I dunno. But bacteria are fast spreading little bastards. Anything that's even remotely close will be back in under an hour.

And, even with hot, running water and soap, you can't guarantee 100% removal of all bacteria. Even with antimicrobial soaps and supplies, you're washing your ass blind, and it's wrinkly. So chances are that there are still small batches hiding in a wrinkle. A few minutes after drying off, and they're enjoying the hot, moist goodness of a gluteal crease, having a bacteria party and reproducing like, well, bacteria.

All of that ignores that as soon as you fart the first time, some amount of bacteria are coming out. Even without that, the anal sphincters (yes, there's multiple) aren't exactly airtight. Something microscopic is more than small enough to creep out.

So, scrub away as much as you like, but anyone eating your ass is still coming in contact with some amount of intestinal content, including but not limited to, feces, e-coli, and any worm eggs or worms present.

[–] Maven@lemmy.world 78 points 10 months ago (2 children)

When I posted this meme I wasn't expecting a lesson on anal hygiene but I appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I appreciate you.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 15 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Metz@lemmy.world 40 points 10 months ago (3 children)

This reads like the birth of an original lemmy copypasta

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] moistclump@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago
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[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 35 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Now talk about the bacteria in a vagina and how we shouldn't do any oral sex. Or how much bacteria is in a mouth.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 33 points 10 months ago

Eh, the bacteria in vaginas, or more appropriately the vaginal flora since it isn't just bacteria isn't as bad as you'd think. That's because, barring sexually transmitted pathogens, everything that's in there is already on all of us, and in our mouths, already.

Now, I'm not downplaying the possibilities of STD transmission. You can catch a handful of them via oral sex.

But the stuff that's in every vagina, everywhere, aren't pathogens in the vagina, on the skin, or in the mouth. You've got your basic assortment of yeast, a handful of lactobacilli, and the trace of staph. You'll sometimes have e-coli in the mix, but it can't really compete in that environment, it gets killed off. Only the proximity of the anus keeps it there, and the amounts are unlikely to cause problems what with the need of a fairly decent "dose" to get past the oral flora and immune response.

Simply put, if it isn't an STD (and a fairly limited group of those), you don't run into contagion via oral sex.

STDs area not part of the discussion because they specifically transmit in that way, and aren't in/on everyone the way the others are.

However! You can run into issues where the exact balance of flora can be a problem. It isn't unusual to get minor issues when playing with a new partner because the exact strains and proportions aren't the same. That's when you run into things like bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, thrush (which is just an oral yeast infection), or the occasional strep infection.

So, with a new partner, if they aren't going to be long term, you'd be a fool not you use a barrier of some kind. The likelihood of an imbalance is usually higher for the vagina being exposed to a mouth or sexual organs, but it can go both ways. So, if they aren't going to me a regular partner, there's no point I letting the imbalance occur in the first place. With someone you'll be with for years, you might as well go without a barrier, be prepared for the imbalance to occur, and let your bodies' flora mingle and find a new balance.

Now, oral to oral contact, aka kissing, is actually similar. Our immune systems adapt to a small degree to whatever mix we have, and it takes something throwing the immune system out of order for something like thrush to set up shop. That is, until we get a load of some strange spit in our mouths. While it isn't common, you can end up with issues after kissing someone new. Thrush is the usual one that will rise up until your own mix of yeast and lactobacilli kick foreign ass and/or the foreign strains find balance new.

I have seen, or read about unusual things though. Obviously, strep and staph strains can cause problems in the throat and mouth. But, there's this nasty little fucker called streptococcus mutans that is particularly good at wrecking enamel via acid production. It is aided in that by lactobacilli, of course.

Sometimes, a foreign strain of the S mutans can set off a burst of tooth decay in a previously healthy set of teeth, even when good oral hygiene is practiced. The foreign version can, in those rare cases, slide by hygiene the same as your usual strain does, but the immune system takes a few weeks to address those leftovers, so you get some weakening of the enamel via the acid activity on hydroxyapatite. Well, I think that's the right mineral, if any dentists or hygienists come along and I'm remembering wrong, please correct me.

So, even kissing isn't risk free. Unfortunately, unlike analingus, felatio, and cunnilingus, there aren't any good barriers for kissing. Mouths just aren't a good space to design a disposable barrier around. Also unfortunately, even immediate brushing and use of mouthwash isn't going to guarantee you get all of the foreign strains.

There's a reason I advocate for the use of oral barriers during any "lingus" activity. If it isn't a regular partner, you're simply risking hassles. Doesn't matter what body parts and genitalia are going to be in contact with each other, condoms and dental dams are cheap and easy to use.

[–] moistclump@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 21 points 10 months ago

Make sure you eat your pussy probiotics

[–] pensivepangolin@lemmy.world 30 points 10 months ago

This is the type of high-brow conversation that keeps me on Lemmy.

[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Thank you. I don't understand why this is such a controversial opinion. It's not like most people use barriers when eating ass.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 25 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I mean, I do, though my wife isn't a fan of it. Had exes that were, and I made it clear it wasn't happening without a barrier. I had access to good latex shields cheap.

Mind you, the job pretty much ruined any pleasure in eating ass for me. I'll do it with a barrier, but it isn't something I can get into. Tbh, I'm not a big fan of anal for the same reason. You wipe and wash enough of them, the erotic potential starts to fade.

[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 10 months ago

Hell yeah. I'm not into it either, but I am pro-folks-using-barriers if they are gonna!

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[–] Tristaniopsis@aussie.zone 21 points 10 months ago

One of the best written posts I’ve ever seen.

[–] chrizzowski@lemmy.ca 9 points 10 months ago

"gluteal crease" that's a new one for me, well done.

[–] platypus_plumba@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago (5 children)

People are disgusting as fuck.

"Look, where shit comes out from, it looks delicious"

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[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 16 points 10 months ago

Butt... Ass

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[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 10 months ago

Yeah, I’ve licked my share of ass. Only one ever wasn’t nice, so just stop. Has no one ever found a vagina or penis to be unclean after making oral contact? If so, you stop oral copulation. This seems pretty obvious to me.

[–] ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Gotta get a Japanese toilet. Game changer.

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[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 20 points 10 months ago

And they say romance is dead...

[–] callyral@pawb.social 14 points 10 months ago

Hey, are you a cigarette? Because you smell bad. Go take a shower.

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