this post was submitted on 07 Jul 2025
542 points (98.4% liked)

Not The Onion

18058 readers
1715 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 194 points 2 months ago (4 children)

This is easily explained.

Donald Trump has dementia.

[–] timbuck2themoon@sh.itjust.works 62 points 2 months ago (1 children)

But media won't harp on this like Biden. Otherwise we'd have a million articles by now.

[–] MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 45 points 2 months ago

Mainstream media has a fuckton of culpability here.

[–] Regna@lemmy.world 62 points 2 months ago

And even before that, he was dumb and easily used. Just easier to use now:

[–] slaneesh_is_right@lemmy.org 12 points 2 months ago

Not true, not true. Very sharp, Tim Apple called him smart. Fake news

[–] Badabinski@kbin.earth 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

No, it's syphilitic brain damage.

[–] MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago

One doesn't exclude the other.

[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 131 points 2 months ago (5 children)

When do we start using Gatorade on the crops?

[–] veni_vedi_veni@lemmy.world 39 points 2 months ago (1 children)

ahem Brawndo? Idiot doesn't even know it's got electrolytes...

[–] SW42@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

It’s what plants crave !

[–] 0ndead@infosec.pub 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

It’s scares me that some of you don’t get this ~~joke~~ reference

[–] AstaKask@lemmy.cafe 6 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Where's the grift in that? It's gonna be raw sewage and industrial waste.

[–] DickFiasco@sh.itjust.works 44 points 2 months ago

Because it's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes.

[–] kambusha@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 months ago

It'll be Trumpade

[–] iltoroargento@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

RFK's worm doing some serious work on upping that foodborne pathogens game...

Edit: Missed a letter and link

[–] Zorque@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

When all the nefarious people encouraging this abuse die off.

You'll notice that they don't exist in the future world of Idiocracy. That's because it's a fictional world, with a very basic premise only vaguely related to reality.

The problem isn't that people are dumb, it's that the people in power want to keep people dumb. Without that, it's not like we'll continue to devolve into helpless infantile people with no ability to think for ourselves.

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Without that, it’s not like we’ll continue to devolve into helpless infantile people with no ability to think for ourselves.

ChatGPT enters the chat

[–] Zorque@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, totally not engineered by people who profit off people getting dumber...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Longmactoppedup@aussie.zone 2 points 2 months ago

Must be soon. Crocs have been in fashion for a while.

[–] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 107 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Has Mr. Japan met Tim Apple?

[–] ToastedRavioli@midwest.social 7 points 2 months ago

Mr. Japannibal Lector

[–] EndOfLine@lemmy.world 35 points 2 months ago

We're like a department store to shop in the United States, and you'll pay a 25% tariff

That's not how any of that works.

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 34 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Siresly@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 2 months ago (2 children)

A mind as sharp as a sharpie.

[–] Get_Off_My_WLAN@fedia.io 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Sharpie enough to control hurricanes.

[–] collapse_already@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 months ago

The power to relocate Alabama by drawing a weiner with a marker.

[–] Eldritch@piefed.social 3 points 2 months ago

A mind like a bowling ball. Blunt, smooth, and significantly dense for it's relatively small size.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 22 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

I'm not a fan of the headline.

Peanut butter is useful.

[–] rxbudian@lemmy.ca 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I wonder what he's thinking when he says "Ms. Universe"

[–] FinalRemix@lemmy.world 23 points 2 months ago

Probably thinking about what she looked like in her early teens.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Mr. Japan sounds like a really awesomely shitty knockoff super hero.

[–] arin@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Still way better than what USA has right now ....

[–] nebulaone@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

Comedy genius

[–] rustydrd@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 months ago

The two people in charge of the US government---Beavis and Butthead---sure are some queer fellas.

[–] wulrus@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That does make sense. Smartest thing he has said so far.

We already have "Miss Germany" etc. Why did we not think of using that term for the respective leader?

[–] arin@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Senile leader

[–] susurrus0@lemmy.zip 8 points 2 months ago

Ah yes, the long awaited sequel to Tim Apple.

[–] huppakee@feddit.nl 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

When I grow up, EVERYBODY will call ME "MR. AMERICA". They will GIVE ME "NOBEL" PEACE prizes and hold MILITARY PARADES on MY BIRTHDAY. I will be "PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES". They will LOVE ME and APPRECIATE ME.

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Well I'm gonna get a THREE BELL prize! Take that!

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 months ago

Ask the magic EIGHT BELL.

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Thanks Mr. Orange man!

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 months ago
[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Put my dick in your mouth, Donnie. It’ll block you from saying stupid shit.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

I get the sentiment, but still....

ewww

[–] Goldholz@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 months ago

The president of the united states and commander in chief, perfect representation of his nation!

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 1 points 2 months ago

mr japan sounds like a bodybuilder nme.