this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2026
201 points (97.2% liked)

Not The Onion

20453 readers
564 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Imagine Lemon Party but boring. archive link

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] dizzle18@lemmy.zip 6 points 11 hours ago

WHOLE MILK. IN THE HOT TUB. WHICH IS FULL OF MEN. OLD MEN. MAHA.

[–] Grimy@lemmy.world 16 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (1 children)

The article picture made me think of this meme, in case anyone is bored and has Photoshop skills.

[–] Ulvain@sh.itjust.works 5 points 12 hours ago

Britta was weird when she was still a brunette.

[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 75 points 19 hours ago (8 children)

What is it about weirdo conservatives that makes them so red? I distinctly remember Alex Jones doing a bit with his shirt off, and that motherfucker was also beet red.

[–] Bakkoda@lemmy.world 18 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Hypertension, alcoholism, tanning booths, hypertension and alcoholism. Hard drugs maybe.

[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Not to take away from your point, but I think you forgot to include alcoholism and hypertension

[–] Bakkoda@lemmy.world 2 points 13 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 12 hours ago

All good, I got you fam.

[–] klu9@piefed.social 45 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (2 children)
[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 18 hours ago

Phenomenal, thank God for the British.

Ah, the Great Wall of Gammon. Possibly the worst thing BBC Question Time has produced.

[–] SpiceDealer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today 18 points 16 hours ago

Lots and lots of TRT. It increases red blood cell production and can cause flushing especially if you're already predisposed to something like hypertension.

Basically, if you see a dude past 45 put on more muscle than they had before they had in their 30s they are getting a lot of trt.

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 21 points 18 hours ago (1 children)
[–] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 5 points 18 hours ago (1 children)
[–] can@sh.itjust.works 9 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

How do we know? It's not like these guys are known for never being hypocrits.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] CmdrShepard49@sh.itjust.works 18 points 18 hours ago

I thought certain types of steroids make you red like this along with giving you a swollen belly which goes along with all the anger and irrational behavior exhibited by these fools.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 11 points 18 hours ago

It's evolution. 20 years ago conservatives were mostly old white guys with pink skin. In another 20 years, they should be a rich, deep crimson.

[–] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 9 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

High dose TRT and melanotan probably.

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 2 points 14 hours ago

Really, that just makes me sleepy.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 7 points 18 hours ago

The red hat dye is running. It's what happens when you buy the merchandise from wish.

[–] determinist@kbin.earth 79 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

They're just so fucking weird

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 23 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

RFK's new Dicks Out in the YMCA will provide all the measles screening you need, don't make it weird.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 6 points 18 hours ago

When you get your measles vaccines, the nurse says you'll "feel a little prick".

THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE MEANT!!!

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 37 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

This on the MR report right now..

RFK jr, shirtless, wearing jeans and riding an elliptical the in the sauna while a twinky kid rock struggles to do one pushup..

I've seen several porns with more believable plots.

[–] Zerlyna@lemmy.world 41 points 20 hours ago

Brokeback MAGA! So creepy.

[–] TomMasz@lemmy.world 34 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

I hate to say it, but this is Gay.

[–] OhNoMoreLemmy@lemmy.ml 29 points 19 hours ago

It's not gay unless the brain worms touch.

[–] Pumafred9@lemmy.world 24 points 20 hours ago (1 children)
[–] CodingCarpenter@lemmy.ml 6 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Would you rather see them nude?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 12 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Who works out in jeans? honestly, wtf?

[–] SpiceDealer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] BranBucket@lemmy.world 5 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

I'm afraid to ask what the implications for Kid Rock are...

[–] etherphon@piefed.world 5 points 15 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 14 hours ago

'Roids Fitzgerald Kennedy is genuinely a better name than his real one, though 🤷

[–] ef9357@lemmy.world 2 points 12 hours ago

Ew, but maybe it’ll inspire by showing what to avoid?

[–] kurmudgeon@lemmy.world 13 points 19 hours ago
[–] sundray@lemmus.org 6 points 17 hours ago

"My name is *COUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH* *cough* *cough*"

[–] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 7 points 18 hours ago (4 children)

I mean, RFK is doing pretty good for a dude in his 70s.

[–] BranBucket@lemmy.world 12 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

Physical fitness and physical activity correlate very well with health and positive outcomes if you do get sick, or contract something preventable like a parasitic infection... but it doesn't guarantee it.

I like Dan John's take on fitness and health. Fitness is one's ability to do a task. Health is the optimal interplay of organs and the absence of disease.

The man could be riddled with undiagnosed cancer, more parasites, and infections from his dumbass lifestyle and blatant disregard for both food safety and disease prevention. He's got access to medical care most of us don't and could be on god knows what substances now to enable him to run around shirtless like a dipshit teenager.

Doesn't matter how many pullups the old saddlebag can do. He's not someone we should emulate or who should be lecturing us on health.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago

He is weirdly jacked. As a man who’s been inside a locker room, some guys just are. Most look more like a wet rat, like Mr. Rock there.

[–] HubertManne@piefed.social 10 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

ozzy did lots of drugs and look how long he went. drugs are good for you.

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Same with John Cooper Clarke and Iggy Pop

[–] etherphon@piefed.world 3 points 13 hours ago

Rod Stewart, Keith Richards, Elton John tho he seems pretty out of it.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] homes@piefed.world 5 points 18 hours ago
[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 5 points 18 hours ago

Ooo, that methhead physique is super sexy.

[–] sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world 7 points 20 hours ago

What the hell did I just watch? Are my tax dollars going to this? JFC.

load more comments
view more: next ›