this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2026

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EXCLUSIVE Lizzie Cundy: ‘My new vagina’s so tight it squeaks when I walk’ (closeronline.co.uk)

submitted 2 months ago by resipsaloquitur@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

22 comments fedilink hide all child comments

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[–] voidsignal@lemmy.world 22 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Who's that ugly plastic bag?

Oh no, wait. I don't give a fuck.

[–] KneeTitts@lemmy.world 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)

English socialite, TV personality and former wife of footballer Jason Cundy

so basically nobody, but one time married somebody... apparenty

[+] voidsignal@lemmy.world -6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I don't know who the fuck is jason cundy either. And I told you, I don't give a fuck. Stop shoving useless knowledge to my brain :)

[–] SARGE@startrek.website 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Useless knowledge: a black hole can technically exist inside a super-massive star.

The gravity of the black hole pulls in hydrogen, the force of the hydrogen fusion and Hawking radiation pressure from the black hole try to push the hydrogen/star stuff out.

For awhile at least, with enough supply of hydrogen (that likely doesn't exist in a large concentrated enough supply), it can hold itself in balance as the biggest star you've never seen.

Note: take this with a grain of salt, this is my understanding of a kurzgesagt video I watched while high.

[–] Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world -1 points 2 months ago

If Trump wasn't president we would not know Epstein's crimes and accomplices.

[–] Diddlydee@feddit.uk 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Good lord, she is the epitome of mutton dressed as lamb.

[–] GMac@feddit.org 2 points 2 months ago

Mutton dressed as a mock chop. Ftfy

[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Lizzie Cunty apparently

[–] AlexLost@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I would have gone with Fuzzy Cunty personally

[–] Nusm@peachpie.theatl.social 13 points 2 months ago

[–] celeste@kbin.earth 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I don't know her so now this is the only thing I know about her. Yay? And I'm glad she doesn't make her sons take her nude pictures anymore?

[–] luciferofastora@feddit.org 4 points 2 months ago

And I'm glad she doesn't make her sons take her nude pictures anymore?

She did WHAT

Fuck, I'm gonna have to read this rag, aren't I?

[–] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Squeaks? Sure sure, you're not covering for flatulence or anything. Or queefulence.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

all dried up and dusty

[–] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 months ago

Mmm, friction burns.

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Tighter? Yes. But is she wet? Like what's the point of tightness if you're fucking sandpaper?

[–] resipsaloquitur@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

It’s one way to polish a knob.

[–] the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Barf

[–] KraeuterRoy@feddit.org 5 points 2 months ago

Good for you, Lizzie...good for you.

[–] 0ndead@infosec.pub 4 points 2 months ago

Sure Jan

[–] BagOfHeavyStones@piefed.social 4 points 2 months ago

Is she the rusty gate girl from Red Dwarf?

[–] meejle@piefed.world 3 points 2 months ago

EXCLUSIVE