Moreover, legitimate fascists and reactionaries are not the same as "well-meaning but misinformed" people
Yeah, this is the big point. If they're "...[invalidating] your humanity, and the humanity of people you love," they are just abusing your patience, and don't deserve it. Fuck those people.
That just doesn't exist. Probably the biggest obstacle to large-scale fediverse adoption at the moment is just that it requires a little more effort to sign up. Lots of people get turned off by picking an instance