this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2025
131 points (96.5% liked)

Not The Onion

14791 readers
3003 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 77 points 18 hours ago (5 children)

What is up with that title? I've read it three times and I still don't understand it

[–] Steve@communick.news 56 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (2 children)

Judge Uses D&D’s Failure To Make Him Worship Satan, To ~~School~~ Teach Florida ~~On~~ About Social Media Moral Panics.

I think that's what they're trying to say

[–] ch00f@lemmy.world 23 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

Guessing they tried to use the more colloquial "to school on," but accidentally created a garden path sentence.

[–] Steve@communick.news 3 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Those were my edits, they didn't use both

[–] ch00f@lemmy.world 3 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

Yep, caught that right after I posted and made an edit.

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 4 points 17 hours ago
[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

It's like all the words are there, they're just assembled in the wrong order

[–] FreeRangeMustard@lemm.ee 1 points 6 hours ago

Like on a Ouija board?

[–] SolOrion@sh.itjust.works 23 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

That title is definitely difficult to understand lol

The Judge used the fact that he played D&D in the 80s when it was 'well known' that D&D would make you a satanist- which is obviously ridiculous- to refute that it's 'well known' that kids are addicted to social media today.

MR. GOLEMBIEWSKI: Well, Your Honor, it is well known in this country that kids are addicted to these platforms. This is a mental health —

THE COURT: It was well known when I was growing up that I was going to become a Satanist because I played Dungeons & Dragons. Is that — I don’t know what really that means. You can say that there’s studies, Judge, and you can’t ignore expert reports that say X.

[–] FreeRangeMustard@lemm.ee 2 points 6 hours ago

Well as a matter of fact, I played D&Ds in the 80s and I was a satanist ever since. Can’t imagine my life without it.

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 7 points 17 hours ago

Thanks for the response

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 5 points 13 hours ago

Oh thank god, I thought I was too high to function for a minute there.

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

It took me more than that, but I finally decoded it: change ‘school’ to ‘educate’ to make it parse more easily.

(Accidentally posted this as a top level comment instead of a reply, oops)

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 4 points 17 hours ago