this post was submitted on 24 May 2025
549 points (97.4% liked)
Technology
70283 readers
3769 users here now
This is a most excellent place for technology news and articles.
Our Rules
- Follow the lemmy.world rules.
- Only tech related news or articles.
- Be excellent to each other!
- Mod approved content bots can post up to 10 articles per day.
- Threads asking for personal tech support may be deleted.
- Politics threads may be removed.
- No memes allowed as posts, OK to post as comments.
- Only approved bots from the list below, this includes using AI responses and summaries. To ask if your bot can be added please contact a mod.
- Check for duplicates before posting, duplicates may be removed
- Accounts 7 days and younger will have their posts automatically removed.
Approved Bots
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I don’t understand how these kids get caught. They gotta be really slow or something.
I was caught 0 times as a teenager. My mom never found my porn.
My brother was caught a few times. My cousin was caught in the damn car on a family vacation with OTHER PEOPLE IN THE CAR just yanking his noodle under a blanket.
I was so cautious as a kid. I guess because I was caught and thoroughly shamed when I was about 4 years old. Maybe that’s why I never got caught when I was old enough for it to matter. That shame gave me a lifelong lesson.
I had a motion detecting toy dinosaur at the bottom of the stairs. When someone approached the stairs it would go, “raaaaaawr, raaaaaawr” and I’d be sitting at the foot of the bed reading a book by the time someone got upstairs.
If they suspected anything, didn’t matter. I was reading.
When I got high speed internet (as it was called in those days) I threw out the tapes and magazines. I had a separate hard drive I’d plug into my computer juuuuuust in case, and since I was always messing with and tearing into my computer, my mom never found anything. That drive had Linux, my mom was scared of Linux.
Now that I think about it, holy shit they fucked me up haha.
When they caught me as a little guy my mom said, “oh shamy, shamy.” And my dad said, “you keep messing with that thing and it’ll fall off and you’ll turn into a girl.” They spent the whole day giving me that, “oh you shameful creature” look.
Haha, man. Wow.
Yeah, maybe my people just messed me up.
Hahahaha, maybe they were onto something (this is a joke) -- I consumed way too much porn at way too young an age and I did turn into a girl! Dick never fell off though sadly
:p Some folks want that dick anyway haha, so don’t worry about it.
I'm pretty sure we're now in a situation where most of our society's contention is driven by childhood-induced shame over sexuality in some form or another.
And there's not shit we can do about it because every time someone tries to make a campaign to encourage better sex-education, or even scarier, sex positivity among children, those people or groups get attacked for being pedos and predators.
This is going to be a social dividing line that gets sharper as time goes. There will be people who have a shred of intellectual capacity and haven't been hollowed out be capitalism, who raise their kids to be free from shame and shackles of toxic social norms and let them just live and discover on their own what sexuality means to them.
And the orcs, who want literal dark-ages levels of shame, hate and fear and of course power-imbalances as deeply rooted foundations to anything and everything related to sex, and they will only want children associated with sex when it involves controlling them or worse.
As a parent, I didn’t want to mess my kids up and make them feel shame about natural things. I don’t know what the right way is, but I have tried to avoid that.
I have enough kids that I know some don’t do it early, some do.
My approach has been, “hey, that’s a private thing and no one here wants to be a part of it. Go to your room and shut your door.”
I have no idea if that’s right, and because of my own issues it doesn’t feel right, but that’s been my approach. I try to think about it logically and reasonably despite having to fight the feelings. My instinct was to say, “HEY! CUT IT OUT, THAT’S NASTY!!” All that did for me was give me an association with “nasty” and those feelings and all I had was my mind, and oh boy I wish I could erase the memory of the things I thought about as a kid.
My daughter is 16, and she’s overly open with me to a level that makes me uncomfortable because she isn’t ashamed of herself.
I also know that she will be healthy when she’s active because she feels comfortable talking to me.
She broke up with a girlfriend for pressuring her, and she told her boyfriend that she understands why he wants to do that and why he thinks about it, but she isn’t ready and if he can’t handle that he can go find a girlfriend who is on his level about it.
With my parents, you did not discuss such things. It was totally forbidden. As a result I had unprotected sex with multiple partners by the time I was 18 and I started when I was 13, started fooling around at about 9. I had some real weirdo adults in my life and I never talked to my parents about it because the thought of them knowing something so shameful about me was too heavy.
I had my first child at 16 years old. I do not believe that would have happened if I had access to education and I could have talked to my parents without feeling shame.
It feels like I’m going against my very nature when my daughter talks to me about things, but I grit my teeth and bare it, and she’s in a much safer and healthier place than I was at her age. She laughs and me because I blush and can barely look at her when she brings it up.
Maybe I’m doing one thing right in a sea of things I’m definitely getting wrong haha.
I believe we should feel shame about some things and that’s why we have to contend with it in the first place. We shouldn’t be ashamed of natural things though.
We’re here because of a long line of creatures and people banging. I don’t know why we freak out about it so bad.
Let me tell you one thing: You're doing alright.
Having your kids feel safe enough to be open like that and yourself sticking to listening and being there is probably the best anyone can hope for.
Modern operating systems are different than Windows 98. You think that you're sneeky and that nobody will find your porn folder and then your mom gets a "Popular files in your user group" mailing from "OneDrive Engagement" or a "Your browsing year wrap-up" by Microsoft Edge or a retargetting ad on the whole network because you looked at the Riley Reid fleshlight. Modern surveillance capitalism is really hard to escape.
Damn, man. That really sucks.
That’s really depressing.
I always figured we’d go down this road, and in a bout of psychosis when I was younger I even lost my head over it and we really are there now.
A 30 year old friend of mine didn't know about incognito mode. A certain subreddit popped up, on his projector screen, as a recommendation when we were searching for a sports stream to watch. I don't think anyone else noticed or would really know what the sub was, but I later casually mentioned this really cool browser feature to use in case you need to search something weird.
I learned one shouldn't assume that everyone is familiar with all the digital tricks to hide what they'd prefer others not see.
"you keep messing with that thing and it'll fall off and you'll turn into a girl"
On one hand, fucking horrible thing to say on a child
On the other.. probably would not have the effect they would intend on a certin chunk of the population lmao
"So anyway, that was the beginning of my transition journey and also how I became an absolute master of giving HJs."
It's too bad that we can't have positive reinforcement for (beginning the introduction to) most sex acts. I like giving head because I love seeing my partner's eyes roll backwards. It seems like there's so much taboo that gets us excited and eager to try something, when we should all just be trialing to see what everyone likes.
A lot of people don't feel shame...
I would wager that a lot more do.
My mother got drunk one night and sat me on her bed and described in detail when she got raped as a teenager, and the resulting abortion and the details of how that went. I was eleven.
Of course, being a male I can't go around talking about the lasting effects of many such incidents that happened to me, and I'm not really expected to even connect those things to any feelings about sexual shame. So instead what it does, and what it does to many men who had any kind of sexual trauma, is we just block out the incidents and internalize the feelings and associations inward and it just wrecks our self-esteem, our standards for ourselves and our perceptions of attractiveness in ourselves.
A lot of guys process this in different ways, and trauma like this can take many forms. But it's often expressed as later over-compensation and bravado and an image of being "in control" sexually and performative masculinity and hyper-objectifying notions of sexuality, or for more people I suspect, just an internal, festering self-esteem that doesn't want them to be happy or feel good about themselves. For every loud, angry incel, I suspect there are thousands of men who have the same background or traumas and they just sit quietly on it forever and it robs them of joy.
That's some dangerous assumptions you're making here... Just because there's a vocal minority that seems to fit the painting you've pictured doesn't mean that it's valid. It could easily be argued the complete opposite that those who had shame about the incident would hold onto it, internalize it... and never talk about it again. It can easily go both ways here.
But my statement was more of an answer to the implicit question of "why did I get the lifelong lesson when the others around me clearly didn't?"... That answer could be because a lot of people just don't feel shame. Doesn't have to be "they gotta be really slow or something". They didn't get the lesson... they felt no shame.
Shame should be abolished after all. It is irrational. If there is a good reason for/against something, we should use that reason instead, and create a culture of habits around it.
Shame is an emotion. You can't abolish an emotion. And shame is an emotion that a lot of people use to regulate themselves. This is a silly statement on it's face. All emotions are irrational. Are you advocating for banning emotions?
There is a good reason that old men shouldn't touch young women. Shame is one emotion that likely regulates many of those men from never doing it. Such that they would feel shame should they do such an action.
If you can't agree on that, then I'm failing to understand your point or we simply agree to disagree.
In my experience, shame is not a natural emotion at all.
Rather, i've observed shame exclusively stems from somebody saying "shame on you, you shouldn't do that". Thus i infer that shame is a social construct, similar to gender.
Then agree to disagree. I can reflect on a number of points in my life where I've decided that I did the wrong thing. I hold shame for those actions and use that to hold myself to better standards now. Guilt and regret is part of shame.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shame
Even in your context of bringing shame to people, or attempting to impart guilt and disgrace... That's an important metric to build the exact culture of habits that you're advocating for. Most people don't care if they litter in the park. It's only after you guilt them into it that they'll do it.
But no point in going any further into this conversation. It's clear your mind is made. Have a good weekend.
Edit: clarification.
Ah, i see now that i was simply defining the word "shame" a bit differently, as i've observed it used in everyday life:
I've held shame to mean "a painful emotion caused by group-pressure that indicates guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety".
What you've been describing as "shame", i've called it insight in practice. Insight is a good thing because it bring with itself reflection and thought, which i also like to call meditation and contemplation. That's what society needs.
What society does not need is group-pressure, because it leads to people behaving right, but for the wrong reasons. Such behavior is short-lived and tends to bite you in the ass when you're most vulnerable. Compare that to college kids who have always been told "no alcohol", and then at college the first thing they do is to enjoy the absence of their parents and drink so much alcohol they go into a coma and to the hospital. Had they been taught the implications that alcohol has on your near-term health and consciousness instead, they might have been wise enough to not drink too much out of themselves. :)
Sorry, but we're still going to agree to disagree. Unfortunately, we can't just make up definitions and have a discussion while in complete disagreement on the definition of the word we're discussing.
Shame is WHY someone would be driven to pursue insight and self-reflection. Insight in of itself isn't something that people just attain with no other factors.
Okay? What does this have to do with shame or the current conversation? I would argue that most kids hit the hard wall of realization the morning after and have some shame about the events of the night prior... Many kids realize their shame and gain insight through self-reflection. Some wont learn anything at all... Partially because some people simply have no shame, or simply have no will to self-reflect and grow... I would argue that your own example proves my point and shows that shame is an important part of growth. Others will learn "properly" about the health risks and still not care and conduct themselves in a shameful way regardless.
Shame requires some amount of morals, integrity, and honor. Otherwise you'd fail to feel any semblance of the guilt or impropriety of your own actions. Stating that someone should be ashamed is akin to saying "you're acting without integrity/morals if you conduct yourself this way". If telling people that they're doing the wrong thing and should feel bad about it is now "banned" then you're just going to have people doing whatever they want with no social feedback at all. You can't develop the culture of habits that you're looking for unless society can police social interactions in some form.
You seem to be under some belief that with sufficient education people will just be "good" and do the "right thing" and we don't require any other pressure from any other social format to maintain the norm... That's wishful thinking IMO.
You had enough motivation and technical knowledge, that's why. Most people don't even bother having separate storage with dual booting.
oh she knew. we all know.
Knowing is one thing, being caught cock in hand is another. :p
Did you place the toy downstairs before wanking or was it always there?
It was always there. ;)
I had an Irish Catholic nun, with the headdress and nun robes on and everything, tell my class we'd go blind and grow hair on our hands. She was making scarry eyes and jazz hands while she said it. It was a sex ed course and her #1 message to all of us jr high boys was wearing deodorant and scrub your ass in the shower. In retrospect, I think she said that in such a cartoonish manner because she knew it was ridiculous, and really she just didn't want to gag from the stench after phys ed.
That same nun told me her favorite band was "those good Irish boys with the rap music, I just wish they'd pick a more respectful name than 'beasty boys' "
We were all sneaking looks at each other's hands for at least a month after that though.