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We Paid Some Etsy Witches to Curse Charlie Kirk (www.jezebel.com)

submitted 15 hours ago by return2ozma@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

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[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 49 points 14 hours ago (5 children)

47 hours and 21 minutes before he was shot....

Sounds like they got the intensity off a little tho:

I want to make it clear, I’m not calling on dark forces to cause him harm. I just want him to wake up every morning with an inexplicable zit. I want his podcast microphone to malfunction every time he hits record. I want his blue blazers to suddenly all be one size too small. I want one of his socks to always be sliding down his foot. I want his thumb to grow too big to tweet. To ruin his day with the collective feminist power of the Etsy coven would be my life’s greatest joy.

Maybe they forgot Venus was in retrograde?

[–] hector@lemmy.today 2 points 3 hours ago

This was jupiter's work if I have ever seen it.

[–] Riftinducer@aussie.zone 3 points 4 hours ago

It's that "ruin his day with the collective feminist power of the Etsy coven" line that gets me. Talk about undersell, overdeliver

[–] ctry21@sh.itjust.works 43 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

They did pay for the "shit your pants" spell, and that does happen shortly after death...so in a roundabout monkey's paw sort of way I guess that one worked

[–] FaceDeer@fedia.io 19 points 11 hours ago

There were so many "minor bad thing happens" spells on him that the cosmos combined them all for ease of bookkeeping.

[–] you_are_dust@lemmy.world 15 points 13 hours ago

I guess you don't get to make specific demands when you start calling on the forces of darkness.

[–] makyo@lemmy.world 5 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe they got confused by an exponent or a measurement conversion

[–] A7thStone@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

I must've put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. Shit, I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail.

-Michael Bolton

[–] makyo@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago

Woww is that your real name? Are you related to that singer guy?